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Love & Sex Experiment #3: Become a “Sexpert”

I apologize in advance for all the puns but I can’t help myself. Today’s experiment might sound silly but it is SO important.

Before doing some (very unusual and not surprisingly, FUN) research, I felt very mixed about the relationship between sex education and happiness. I was pretty certain most of my happiness in the bedroom did not come from a book or a website, but rather from *ahem* hands-on research.

I mean, our ancestors certainly didn’t need a Tantric Sex Anthology to help them sort out how to put a P in a V.

But REAL TALK for a second…Our world and our sexual journey have EVOLVED. We no longer have sex for the sole purpose of procreating. IN FACT – thanks to the rise in global population, divorce rates, and college tuition (among other things), people are actually CHOOSING not to procreate. And that’s not all that has changed…

  • The human lifespan has increased

  • Science and medicine have advanced, making us better equipped to plan for sex in relation to women’s fertility cycles

  • Sexual orientation and identity are more openly discussed and new information has become more widely available

  • We have birth control

  • We know about the transmission of STDs

  • Must I go on…?

Needless to say, after reading some highly persuasive text, I’ve concluded that reading up before your next sexcapade CAN actually boost your happiness – not to mention your partner’s!

So, here is your experiment:

Step 1: Explore your own manual. Before you can show off your fancy moves with your fancy toys and your fancy parts, you should probably do the basics and explore your manual. I’m trying not to be crass here, but yes, I’m saying you need to get to know your own body inside and out before you can expect anyone else to bring you pleasure. *Cough* Masturbate *Cough* And if you want to try something new, if possible, try it on your own first.

Step 2: Learn a trick or two. Now that you’ve taken care of that business, it’s time to turn to your partner. Sex can be a wonderful thing, but it is MUCH more than just a routine. Raise your game by learning a new trick or two to pleasure your partner. Read a book, watch a tutorial, study anatomy if you have to! Whatever it takes, I promise this step is a non-negotiable if you want to boost your happy vibes in the sex department.

Step 3: Be safe. If there is two thing that bring a sex life to a screeching halt it’s an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. Make sure that you are taking every precaution you can in regards to these two things. Discuss birth control options with your doctor. Ask a new partner to get tested before diving beneath the sheets together.

Step 4: Learn from your experience. Don’t forget, sex IS supposed to be pleasurable. Don’t be overwhelmed by the masses of people constantly trying to scare young twenty somethings into believing that sex is this dangerous and scarring experience. You are likely to have lots of sexual experiences that fall between “life-changing” and “Oh, are you still down there? I dozed off.” Life is full of disappointment and sex is no different. But as long as you’re following step three, you will get over those experiences and grow from them!

Step 5: Change the status quo. Just because a magazine, movie or your mom makes you feel like being sexual is some kind of mischief, doesn’t mean it’s true. Forget the status quo that promotes shame for being open about sex and instead adopt an open mind and communication with your partner.

I guarantee this 5-step experiment will lead to a happier and healthier sex life. Becoming a “sexpert” is a tall order, and the time for learning is always now! So get going, and share any great resources in the comments section below!

PS- For the ladies, I recommend picking up Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts! 😉

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