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107. How Is People Pleasing Limiting Your Business Growth?

Updated: Mar 7

In this episode of the Sincerely, Future You Podcast, Coach Jess talks about three examples of how people-pleasing is sneaking up on you and affecting your scalability. After listening to one of the podcast’s episodes, one listener was shocked by what Coach Jess discloses in her podcast. So, are we revealing salaries on the podcast now? Here, Coach Jess also talks about how vital transparency to business is, why your market shouldn’t include everyone, and how people-pleasing is wasting your time.

Full Transcript Below

In this episode you will learn:

  1. My truth lives in the past, present, and future

  2. You should surround yourself with people who are transparent in business

  3. Always saying “yes” is not scalable

  4. 4 Things to Think About When Scaling Up Your Business: Money, Time, Delivery, Joy

  5. Sneaky Examples of People Pleasing

Catch up with Coach Jess and Sincerely, Future You on: Website:

Get business and life coaching by Coach Jess through: Book your FREE Mini Session now:

The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo:

The Perfectionism Project Podcast by Sam Laura Brown:

Full Transcript:

that our thoughts create our feelings not the amount of money we make so if you're trying to grow your business to a certain revenue amount thinking that when i get there i'm gonna feel better or more proud or more successful i promise you that's not true welcome to sincerely future you a podcast for female entrepreneurs looking to scale their business by mastering their time money and drama i'm your host jessica mckinley founder of what's happening coaching a life coaching program that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind

hello hamsters did you guys know i speak spanish sometimes i forget what i've told you already but i'm uh i'm thinking about that a lot because i have been thinking about how i want to raise my daughter and i raised my son i say raised like he's done he's grown at five he's like off on his own no i but his younger years now that he's going into kindergarten and it does kind of feel like he's through the little kid phase and i am starting over at the same time as he's going to kindergarten and i'm thinking about how i did it and i was at such a different place in my life and i spoke spanish to him all the time because i was alone all the time at home with him so it was very easy for me to just decide what language the day was going to be in now i work from home with my fiance and he does not speak spanish and when calvin comes home he has opinions about what we're gonna what language we're gonna speak sometimes he's very much not in the mood to speak spanish and it's been harder and harder to keep that up he still goes to the spanish immersion preschool but you guys i'm thinking about this for my daughter i want spanish for her i want her to have this advantage that i think it is to be able to communicate with as many humans on the earth as possible in their native language and it's one of my favorite skills that i have and i would definitely resent my parents if they spoke a fluent language and didn't teach it to me so um and especially if calvin gets it and she doesn't i keep saying she but i'm gonna tell you her name you guys i decided on the name of the baby introducing marika rose wayno so she is going to be 116th japanese mark's last name bueno is japanese and i've always loved the name marika we're going to call her mari for short mari m-a-r-i-k-a which the word in spanish with the c is not that great so i wanted to make sure we did the emphasis on pronunciation on mari not on marika but i'm so i'm going into this phase of parenting so much more thoughtful it's kind of like if you had a first business and now you're on a second evolution of your business and you just you know so much more now and so i am really thinking about speaking spanish more so i'm committing to that i'm going to be speaking spanish more at home even with calvin i'm setting up some policies in the house and i have decided to be more forthcoming with my desire for mark to also start be speaking and learning spanish and not me just correcting him but him actually studying it a little bit um so we're gonna make some time for that so that we can have some spanish family full family activities and i'm so excited for that so anyway i wanted to share that little personal note and then also i wanted to share something else with you guys before we get started on this topic which is the importance of transparency in the business i was talking to one of my clients who was joking around about how she made her husband listen to the episode of budgeting as a couple um with mark uh from a couple of weeks ago and she was like he was blown away because he heard you talk about the amount of money that you make and he was like she puts her salary on her podcast and he was like shocked and she was like yeah that's the point and what she had to say was that like if i hadn't done that and if i hadn't been doing that from the beginning that she didn't know that she would have the audacity to hire me because she wouldn't have been able to see herself in my shoes she would just see where i'm at right now and she would feel like that's further along and that's far away and she needs to be further along before she can kind of see herself there and i want you to always be thinking of ways to decrease the gap between where you're at and where your future self is at i love to think about the fact that like the truth of who i am lives in the future in the past and in the present all at the same time like right now the future me who is a leader of a big team who is uh more widely known and the person that i am today who is you know successful on different terms successful as far as having a multiple six-figure business but not successful on the scale of multiple millions which my future self is it's like they're they both exist so how can we lessen the gap and kind of close the distance between your future self and your future self now and one of those ways is to be really transparent with the journey like stop thinking of it as like the start and end like the before and after it's like what is going on in the inside and surround yourself with other people who are transparent about their journey as well because when you can look at someone else's journey and see that it's not as far off even just one aspect of it it helps you kind of bridge the gap between where you're at and where you want to go so for me the two podcasts that did that for me with my business were of course brooke castillo and the life coach school and then also sam laura brown's podcast i believe it's perfectionists getting [ __ ] done i think is the name of the podcast i'll link it in the show notes but sam laura brown uh was someone who i listened to her podcast a long time ago and i think back in 2018 i found her podcast i believe maybe 2019 and she would do quarterly like recaps of the back end of her business and give all the numbers the goals what her actuals were what her expenses were and i was blown away i was like this is gold why can't i get the behind the scenes and the numbers of everyone's business so that i stopped instead of me sitting there glorifying not only this person but where they're at as this 100 sunshiny view of what it would feel like at x revenue she talked about the 50 50. and she talked about all the math so she was like okay this is where i'm at but this is where i wanted to be and it's just always that solidified reminder of what i tell you guys all the time which is that our thoughts create our feelings not the amount of money we make so if you're trying to grow your business to a certain revenue amount thinking that when i get there i'm gonna feel better or more proud or more successful i promise you that's not true you have access to that feeling right now and one example of that for me is in my mastermind i was on a coaching call yesterday and a bunch of us were sharing the results of our launches i just had happening sessions launched just completed and we had our very first call yesterday which went so great i'm so excited for these women and we have eight people in there and i think it's really important for me to share with you that my goal was 15 people this is my first ever open and closed launch so i really had a lot of question marks as far as expectations of you know how i had my launch plan and i i followed it but certain things didn't go the way i was guessing that they would go and i have so much to evaluate and learn from for my launch for october and i'm just so excited to to sell that out in october i feel so confident in that because of what i learned in this process but i felt so good about eight of 15 was my goal and i went in and this other girl had a goal of 15 as well same price point all the things and she was in tears because she got 11 people and her main thought was i didn't do a good enough i failed i didn't do a good enough child and it wasn't just i failed it was like i am a failure she had like lots of shame and if i was a good coach i would have helped people get there i would have helped four more people get there right and i was like whoa isn't it so crazy who how we could just have one thought and that thought can really create the feeling of success or failure that you think is created by the number right other people could get 15 in there and they might be like oh but i did it in a hustly way or like trust me it's not the number that creates it or you can get there and be like oh have this thought that i'm just not i tricked them into being in this program and they should have been with another coach i see that happen all the time that imposter syndrome creeping in when you do hit the goal so i wanted to be really transparent i do feel really amazing about the quality of the eight entrepreneurs that are in this program i think they're all really perfect fits for happening sessions so i love that about the del uh the delivery of this launch is i feel like i can feel so confident that every person that's in there is capable of getting all the results that i promised them so excited to give you all the updates and uh share with you those hapsters in future hapster of the weeks but yeah i wanted to share that for you because if you're currently scaling towards something and scaling is our topic of the day i don't want you to get sucked into this trap into thinking like once i arrive at this scaled result i will feel x so i want us to be transparent share some thoughts that are useful to me share some other thoughts that i've seen that are not useful and encourage you to do the same thing for your audience be really open and transparent about what's going on in your business there's nothing gross or weird about money okay and if you're scared to share what's going on in the back end it's probably because you have some messy or unclean thoughts about making money and if as long as you are really in service and you believe that the value of what you're offering matches the price that you're charging then there there shouldn't be any issues with talking about it and and being transparent there so yeah i would love to offer that to you to see if it brings anything up see if you need any coaching on that if you have any feedback or any questions there or if you feel stuck please connect with me dm me on instagram at what's happening w jess okay let's talk about scaling let's talk about the things and the limiting the limiting beliefs that are causing you to get stuck in the scaling process and showing up in one of the hapster's most popular forms which is people pleasing so as we scale our business we want to think about our future self because that's who it's going to affect what's the point of scaling like really think about it you're creating growth for your business and for your future self so you want to scale in a way that is in some way more desirable for your future self to deliver and not just to your future self but also to your future clients so i think about these four things when i'm scaling money number one is money that's the obvious scale right when someone says oh i'm scaling my business this year they're like okay are you scaling it from 50k to 100k 100k to 500k 500k to a million that's an obvious way to scale a second way of scaling is time so this is the most intentional scale and it's something that i am doing this year i am scaling my business and it might end up equaling about the same revenue my goal is actually about 90k more than what i made last year maybe like 87k more i think is my goal more but that was more just like the after effect of me scaling my time so i'm scaling from one-on-one coaching to group coaching i'm scaling down the number of hours that i'm spending and keeping my general revenue goals around the same in the same bracket that is a way to scale and it is not better or worse or less valuable than scaling your business in money because if you think about it for me i am welcoming a baby end of june i am going to be able to be that person you know my son has me his dad he has mark and he has his dad's fiance and we all have like busy jobs and demanding jobs and i get to then be the person who's there for my daughter and has a clean schedule to be able to be there for my son more in ways that i really wasn't when he was three so excited about that and then the other thing the other way to think about scaling is delivery so you want to think about am i scaling my business and getting better and better and delivering it in a way that gets my clients results quicker and quicker that is like an underrated way to scale your business and if you're not thinking about delivery at all with scaling i would start thinking about it are you thinking about not just uh improving the ways that you're delivering in the how and the method and the automations but are you improving the the feedback loop are you getting feedback from your clients and making the process from start to finish to and when i say finish i mean finish not to off board but finish to their results as efficient as possible because that ultimately is scaling the value of your offer which will naturally make your prices go up which will naturally make your time more valuable um so all of it kind of uh unintentionally scales together um and then the final one that i've never heard anyone talk about but i think about and i haven't until i was prepping for this podcast i hadn't thought about it in this way as scaling but scaling for joy and what i mean by that is the high quality question of am i or is my team delivering value in a way that feels more fun joyful and aligned so for me a way that that's showing up this year is in me saying no to a couple of things that my even some of my best clients are requesting now certain different additions or ways that they're seeing other coaches provide certain things and they they want that and it's tempting because i can i can offer different things and it's tempting especially as you start to scale back your time to have more space and time to want to just fill that back up if you're a people pleaser you probably also suffer from not having enough time shocker why because whenever you have space and someone asks you for something you fill it right back up with serving them and this doesn't mean that you have to slip out of service it means the exact opposite it means you're in your highest service so let's let's look at this a little bit as you grow your business and you hone your product or your service and as you build your team your team your audience your clients your customers your people they're gonna ask for things so you're going to have more and more and more suggestions and requests and sometimes from your team too right they're going to suggest that you offer a membership now because it's what they want and that would really serve their schedule or they're going to suggest you add a slack channel because that's the way that they like to communicate and if you're not careful scaling can often tempt you to just do more and here are some thought errors that i want you to be mindful of as you're scaling more features in your business does not equal a better offer more one-on-one time or attention for your clients does not equal better results for your clients more calls added does not equal a better offer or better results saying yes and providing a solution to every person who asks for anything that crosses their mind does not make you a better ceo or a company or a person you know what it makes you a people pleaser and it is not scalable not only that but it prevents you from your highest service and that's what i was saying before if you're someone who is just a people pleaser and you're owning that identity as like this badge of honor as like but i come to serve like i you have to watch the youtube so you can see my face right now like i'm making fun of you people like i come to serve yeah i want to serve too and i think my clients give me excellent feedback that like i am always in their highest service and oftentimes serving them is telling them no because people don't know that there's a difference between what they want right now what they think they want and what they actually want in terms of results what they want what they might tell you they want are things that feel good are convenient are easy it's like the things that are driven by their primitive brain what they actually want their well-being is created by the results that are more aligned with their prefrontal cortex the part of their brain that really has their future selves back okay so the way i define being in your highest service if that is something that's a core value of yours which i think it should be for every business owner it definitely is for me is this is my definition of highest service delivering my highest value to my best client in a way that suits both me and the client and delivers them the promised results okay that was a mouthful but i want to kind of unpack some of this delivering my highest value so for you need to know what this is what is your highest value so for me when people come to me they think they want let's say a one-off session they're like if i can just pay you for one call like that would really help me and i'm like no wouldn't help you no because what you want like what do you actually want what do you want to come from this call and they maybe say like oh well more clarity or more motivation or i just don't understand and i'm like okay all that i can serve you the highest if you come into happening sessions that is my highest value why because i've spent so much time thinking about my best client so that's the second part you need to know who is your best client who are the people you're serving the answer can't be everyone it just can't be because if the answer is everyone that is not scalable you cannot help every person at the highest value right so it's better to choose some clients a specific niche that you can serve at your highest value and then in the way that suits you and the client this is going to require you to have a clear offer or offers but i really don't like more than two max three offers my clients and i fight about this all day long my clients that want to have like 10 offers no and requires policies so that you don't end up making decisions emotionally or in people-pleasing and it requires you to evolve it requires you to evolve as you evolve to always be asking yourself higher quality questions my life is evolving i am having a baby because of that last year when i was planning to have a baby i thought how can i continue to be in my highest service of my clients what that meant to me was how can i continue to deliver the highest value to my best client in a way that will suit me then and sue the client and what i figured out was i'm at the perfect place to be delivering a group offer a small group offer that really kind of feels more right now and i knew that in highest service of them it wouldn't stop in the middle of six months because i do believe that momentum is created so i was like but i also believe in the highest service of me that i want to take a maternity leave that left me with a problem that was easily solvable when i wasn't people pleasing i was like oh i'll just hire the best coaches that i know to come in and guest coach for eight weeks you know what how is that in highest service of my clients well all of my clients are women they also have lives lots of them also have children lots of them are showing up in people pleasing in their business not taking time off for themselves because they don't think that it's in highest service of their clients so what i think highest services right there is me for my clients taking my maternity leave to show them an example of what's possible of how i can continue to sell continue to earn and continue to serve them and me are you thinking about this in a clean way so i want you to think about your highest self service and make sure that you understand what is your highest value offer who is that best client and what are the ways that you're delivering it that are suiting you and the client and if you're not doing that right now you don't have to pull the plug on your whole business but you need to create a plan to scale towards that it was like the second that i knew that i wanted more time and that 21 clients was like okay i'm not gonna want to do this when i have a baby i was like okay when do i want to do it bye created my deadline and i was like march and i was like okay that's when it is i'm gonna off-board my clients i'm letting them know now i'm prepping them i'm preparing them for the value i'm selling the value of this group offer selling myself in the value i'm increasing the value i'm improving the offer and then all of a sudden i'm like ew one-on-one like group is the best offer ever right i'm just kidding i i still have my five one-on-one clients i love them dearly so like i said this process and what this looks like your highest service will evolve as you evolve but i see too many of my clients right now trying to build demand and scale their revenue through this sneaky form of people pleasing so i'm gonna get leave you with these three examples these are real life examples from my clients who all have completely different businesses and business models of what's happening when they're showing up really well intended wanting to serve because after all they can do these things that people are asking them to do but it creates massive problems on the delivery end example number one is when people can't afford your price so they ask you if you would create some sort of a lower level offer for them now i am a big fan of having a lower level like a lower level offer but for me my lower level offer of value is my podcast when people cannot afford me i know that i still want to serve them and i'm showing up in highest service of them i'm like perfect this is what you're going to do you're going to go you're going to listen to the podcast you're going to follow me on instagram you're gonna treat that as like school you're gonna do the things that i tell you to do in the podcast i know i'm gonna have to share some serious testimonials i shared them on instagram but i've had so many of you listeners tell me some amazing stories of things that you did just from listening to the podcast and i'm just so honored and blown away and proud of how seriously you're taking this of what i consider my low level offer of value the value here just because it's free does not mean that it isn't high quality value so i'm very clear about that and that was clean for me so when someone tells me they can't afford it first of all i have lots of thoughts about that right you can never not afford something it's always just a matter of when or what's the uh the cost-benefit analysis of paying for it now and then making the money later but i i really think about i really think about if you're showing up in people-pleasing here you're gonna create a low-level offer that doesn't make sense for your client or for you so the ask was that they still really wanted one on one console in relation to the offer they just didn't need all of the other bells and whistles quote unquote and the person's like well i can do this i can't just have a conversation with them it's only going to cost me time and blah blah blah and i'm like the problem with this so the ask is a low level offer the reason is they can't afford it the people pleasing thought is well it's not really going to cost me anything i can do it and the problem that it creates is it's not scalable and ultimately it creates resentment towards those clients you end up showing up in a weird way towards them that isn't in the highest service you might not even notice it but like any time your calendar fills up with these people now that know that they can pay you 50 bucks they're not stretching themselves to become the person that can afford your highest value offer instead you're telling them no no you're right for you you're not good enough for my highest value i'll just dumb down the value and resent you while i give it to you and you call this service no stop it okay example number two the ask was to was for like all the slight custom tweaks to an offer i have a client with a product based business and people keep being like oh i love this but could you just add this or just take this out and the people pleasing thought is it's not that hard and it doesn't take that long i really want you to analyze this thought if you're saying like oh it only takes me a little bit of time that is not scalable you want it to be your most efficient and you want to understand that if these people if you're spending lots of time scaling these people or serving these people you're taking away from serving at your highest offer so the problem is that here's another problem you probably don't even see is that it dilutes your offer and confuses your audience they start looking and they're like oh she does that oh and she does that and i could just ask her this what exactly does she offer and sales 101 a confused brain is a no if you have too many offers too many offers is also what not scalable okay and example number three is was the ask for to add a community page to a coaching offer no or a slack channel now this is something that i've been asked so many times so this is an example of mine the people pleasing doc there would be well i could see how it would add value i like to be a part of community pages i love to chat with people i love a community they want it right so these are all the sneaky people pleasing thoughts and then the problem is that it's not the joyful way that i like to serve it would require a highly qualified trained coach to manage as the admin if i were to hire this out so therefore it's not scalable in terms of cost right now for me now long term it might be something that i can afford to add on if i want to add on that cost and i do think that the value will match the cost right i have to do that math but right now for me in terms of how much time it would take me to manage this additional page that seems like just a simple easy ad just had a slack channel doesn't cost anything people would be asking questions in there all the time other people will be trying to give each other advice they're not qualified coaches i would have to come in and look like the bad guy deleting posts and deleting comments and correcting people and it's not the most joyful way that i like to serve now that is one of the hardest things to discover within your uh your people-pleasing scaling is what are the things that you could do that might add value that might not cost you money or it might not cost you time but would cost you money or might not cost you money but cost you time is it still scaling in a more joyful way for you and if the answer is no it's a no for me if you don't care about having a joyful business in the future then ignore this but i think most of you who are listening you are your own business owner because you wanted more joy in your life and you saw this as the route to it i could do whatever i want i'll be my own boss well being your own boss means you act like a boss and being a boss means not people pleasing it means asking yourself high quality questions and showing up and scaling with the math and with the feelings right so are you scaling for your time for your money for the delivery efficiency of results for your clients and for joy ultimately scaling your business should feel like choosing current discomfort and trading it for future joy ease and increased value and i think if you follow that simple guideline and it is simple but it's not easy it it requires you to constantly be asking yourself high quality questions but it really is just thinking about that like zoomed out in those four ways time money delivery and joy and if you have a any examples of ways in which people are asking you for things and you feel like obligated or stuck in this cycle and you can't get out then you should really set up a console or you should consider joining happening sessions these are the exact types of problems that we solve for now happening sessions currently is closed but we do have a wait list for october and i want to make sure that by the time october round of happening sessions comes that i am selecting the best 15 people for this so i plan on this selling out very early and there will be an application round and i want you guys to explain to me why you are ready for this type of ceo level mastery and i'm very serious about this like i want you to think about this as an opportunity to become the version of yourself your future ceo self that you cannot otherwise access if you're just showing up in your current like scattered unmanaged brain all right so go over to the waitlist is not on the website yet but i'll make sure it gets up there soon currently you can get on the waitlist by going to my instagram and going to the link in my bio over there i will also add the link to these show notes for you to get on the wait list for the october happening sessions round i am so excited you guys to give you the feedback of all the people that joined in march and all the crazy results that they're going to be getting but in the meantime go have fun scaling towards joy make yourself some more time and make yourself some more money and get your finest results all right have a beautiful day hey hapsters if you want to learn more about today's topic head over to whatshappening dot com forward slash podcast that's what's happening w-h-a-t-s-h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g

dot com forward slash podcast if you're a business owner and you're resonating with what we talk about here what are you even doing come hang out with me over where the party's at on instagram at what's happening w jess again that's happy h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g and book a discovery call to see if coaching is your next best step.

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