Updated: Jul 26
What small beliefs about yourself are holding you back? Do you ever catch yourself saying, "I'm not smart enough... I don't have enough time... I don't have the money to improve my business"??? A talk I had with a random guy on a flight recent flight got me thinking about this. So, in this week's episode, we discuss the small roadblocks we've all inadvertently built in the way of our path to success. We'll show you how to break down these negative beliefs so you can stop holding yourself back from the huge growth in your life and career that YOU deserve!
I also have a chat with my producer, Christine, about the odd little things and beliefs we change that have helped her achieve success.
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Disclaimer: this transcript is autogenerated by otter.ai
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 0:01
I know certainly in my past, I've had so many situations where the only way that I could get what I want was to stop having a story about myself. For myself, it was a lot of the victim story about what it meant to be a single mom. It was, oh, because I'm a single mom, there's no I just don't have time. Because I'm a single mom, I'm just, it's gonna take me 10 times longer than it would if I had a partner. And the thought that really was the most innocent sounding was, must be nice. How many of you are using one circumstance in your life right now, and you wrapped your whole identity in it. And you're using that to determine whether you can or cannot get the results that you want? Welcome to sincerely future you a podcast that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind. Welcome back, or if you're brand new, because they know we've got a lot of new listeners here, welcome to sincerely future you. In this week's episode, we talk about breaking down these small little tiny beliefs that we have about ourselves, about money about the world, that may be the thing that's holding us back from huge growth in our lives and our careers. Are you ready? Let's dive in. Are you ready for your hype? sesh. I don't know if I'm even ready for this hype says you know what, I'm going to be fully transparent with you guys. I am a little bit hungover today. And you know what else I am coming off of a week of travel and value added my voice is barely here. But you know what, when you see those visuals, they say if show up consistently, it doesn't mean be at your 100% capacity, it means give everything that you have. And sometimes what you have is like you're 17% out of 100 sometimes it's like 2%. But if you give that you know that you could still lay your head on the pillow being like, Hey, listen, you know, maybe in the future, I'm going to take on a little bit less on my plate or on the future, I'm going to plan something a little bit differently, or on the future, I'm going to pre record that recording. So that I don't have to do it after a really, really long week. But you know what? The past is perfect. And all you have to do today, this hype session is not about being someone that you want to be in the future. This is just about being exactly who you are. When you roll out of bed today, in your exact circumstances, all you have to do today is show up and give the only thing that you have. And if that's your voice, if it's a couple of words, if it's responding to one email, whatever it is today, give yourself just the biggest hug for showing up to that. And then tomorrow, get back to that percentage of whatever your refuel is, because being consistent again, I used to always think this about eating or working out people would get so down on themselves when they skipped two days of of working out or that they went on vacation and they like threw it all away, they would say I feel like I don't really even understand what you mean. You can't throw it all away unless you quit. Unless you've stopped believing the things you you used to believe about yourself the self concept set, you're someone who works out or that you're someone who is healthy, right? Healthy People eat brownies and pizza sometimes, okay, maybe not every healthy person but I consider myself a healthy person and I eat brownies and pizza. Certainly. Right. So when it comes to your business today, if you are telling yourself that you being masterful CEO looks like being perfect. We have to edit that. Because perfection is not possible. It's not real. And it's not a good standard. We can set goals and showing up consistently to them literally just means giving what you've got, and you have everything that you need right now to create that future. All right, I can't wait to meet you there. On the plane back from Atlanta, I sat next to these people. We were having a really great chat about our jobs and our passions. And one of the guys is a lawyer. He's a defense attorney. And he was talking about how like, of course when you have a job that you love, you don't make a lot of money and I was like no, I don't find that to be true. But I I do understand why that's something that is kind of sold to us and conditioned in us and he He was saying how this part of his job is just so important. He is defense attorney and he defends a lot of immigrants. And he feels like the law is just wrong and not in their favor. And we were talking about whether or not people should go to jail for these certain things. And he was saying, it's unfortunate, because best case scenario for him really is that they just get an acquittal and they drop the case. There's no winning scenario for him. And he was like, but the problem is, is I'm so passionate that I go into the courtroom. And I want to tell the judge all about how they're wrong, and the law is wrong, and everything needs to be collapsed. And he's like, it's not effective. And I was like, here's why it's not effective. Because when you're trying to explain to someone why they should do something, that even if they agree with you, doing so, would crumble a part of their identity, it's too intense for them to be able to do, it's because our brain psychologically would rather be right about our story than it would get what we want. And I've said this before, in so many different contexts, but it really just was so striking when I was talking to this guy, and he was like, yeah, they're judges just, of course, are not going to listen to the fact that we shouldn't be sending people to jail because they believe they're upholding the law. And that requires them sending these people to jail for so long, that they have so much historical evidence that that is what is right, that in order to make the decision to go against that verdict, it would have to crumble their identity, and they would essentially have a mental breakdown in order to do it. So it was like, he was like, so I guess I'm just stuck, how do I do it, and I said, we have to loosen the screws of what they believe their identity is. And that is kind of what we do in the future self work. And obviously, it's tricky with a judge because you can't really talk down to a judge and be like you think this about yourself, but essentially, we need to find a story that is parallel. And when I'm talking to clients, often, I am talking to a client who has such an ingrained story that trying to argue with that story, they're just gonna dig their heels in and had like, deepen that story that they have. Whereas if we can find an analogy for them, that allows them to think about another person or their future. It breaks down that wall really was more about understanding, how do you help someone get what they want?
Even if it conflicts with theirs, their story about themselves their self concept? Yeah, their self concept. So if someone believes that they just are not good with the virtual stuff, they'll be like, oh, like, I would love to get these results. But you only do virtual coaching and like, I just need an in person thing. And I'll be like, Okay, that's fine, if you want to keep that story. But I just asked like, just out of curiosity, do you want the results that we offer in the masterful CEO school? And they'll be like, oh, yeah, I definitely do. And then I would say, Okay, well, you have two options, you can either try and get those results on your own. Or, you can look at what limiting thoughts you currently have about you about what you're capable of about the world about your interaction with the world that is blocking you from getting the results that you want. And with this lawyer or I know certainly in my past, I've had so many situations where the only way that I could get what I want was to stop having a story about myself for myself. It was a lot of the victim story about what it meant to be a single mom. It was oh, because I'm a single mom. There's no I just don't have time. Because I'm a single mom. I'm just it's gonna take me 10 times longer than it would if I had a partner. And the thought that really was the most innocent sounding was must be nice. Just must be nice for those people who are, you know, the rich house lives or who have a supportive partner, or who haven't had some sort of trauma or turbulent thing happens circumstantially, no life. And how many of you are using one circumstance in your life right now, and you've wrapped your whole identity in it. And you're using that to determine whether you can or cannot get the results that you want? Oh, you don't get it? Like we just, we don't feel comfortable going below 10k In our savings, I said, Okay, just a pretty zoomed in short term way of viewing how you interact with money? Because going below 10k And staying below 10k? Sure, that's one thing going below 10k. And then having a very clear plan to how you're going to use that investment to get to 30k. And your savings is a very different thing. So what is the limiting belief? What is that sentence in your mind? That sounds so innocent, that sounds so true. Because I really don't care about what's true. Truth is subjective. A fact I believe I, I talked about this on a recent podcast, but a fact would be like, this is a couch. A truth might be this couch is comfortable. That's my truth. But it's not the only truth. So you have to just ask yourself is what you're focusing on, actually going to help you make the decisions that you need to make in order to have that future life that you want to have?
Christine O'Donnell 11:50
I just had some thoughts coming. So I think I was like scrolling on Tik Tok as one might, as well as one might have once upon a time and I was on some Tik Tok about like making more money in your life. And like, how these habits that you do every day can keep you like making a limited amount of money because you can't like get to that next, like, you can't open the flow of abundance for yourself. I know it was kind of like a woowoo tick tock. But what is it things they suggested there? Like, stop using the same burner? I know you have a favorite burner, like a burner on your oven to like, cook things. Like you always use the same burner I know you do. Because it works the best. So you love this burner. And it's just like such a good burner. And you're like stuck in this habit of using the same burner. But when you go outside of your comfort zone or you cook your dinner at a different burner. I've tell you're gonna open up something I'm telling you that month I like used every burner and I did make more money.
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 13:05
Christine O'Donnell 13:08
Such a weird, but I don't even know why believe but they're like, yeah, like, if you don't clean your stone regularly, you're losing out on future money you could have for yourself because like you're blocking your legs. Fung Shui. It's a Fung Shui thing. It Catherine knows.
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 13:27
I don't know these things. I don't know these things. What makes about that to me is that your brain just gets into the same rapid, Titian's in the same patterns. So you stop looking for the learning, you stop looking for what is new, because you've assumed that if there was something new right in front of you, you would see it. But you can't see it because you're not looking for it anymore. You're just your brains job is to be on autopilot as often as possible. And that's what it thinks of as efficiency. But the problem is, is that maybe the thoughts that you're on autopilot, with, maybe they're not truly negative, because I think we look at good thoughts as positive or negative. But there are a lot of positive thoughts that are no longer useful for us. They were useful, and we've gone on auto autopilot. But we forget that, let's say one of your thoughts is that I just need to keep showing up to networking events. But you've gone on autopilot. Because what the networking event that you want us to go to and have gone to and have consistently gotten clients from you're like, oh, that counts as a networking event. But you haven't checked in to say like, Am I still getting new clients from the same place? Or do I have to go to a new place? Do I have to get out of that comfort zone? Same thing. I'm always like, Oh, I gotta get in a car. Coaching room, I always have to be in a coaching room. But I started to feel a little bit stagnant this last kind of round of my own coaching, like with my coach, and I realized when I got out of the autopilot, I was like, hmm, I think I've learned what I've needed to learn from the life coaching coaching rooms. And now I want to get more into the business coaches coaching rooms, to just snap myself out of it to shock myself back into this place where everything is a little bit different. The Jargon is different the terms they use, I'm not like halfway through the sentence like, Oh, I know what they're gonna say. Right. And so it's really important, like you said to that we check in even with the things that are working to see, well, maybe they're working to a degree, but if you have zero discomfort, that was the point when it really worked in the first place was when it was uncomfortable for you. And now that it's comfortable, like going live, that used to be like, so uncomfortable for me. And that was so crazy. And now like, I could just go live all the time. It's not uncomfortable for me. So it's like, gotta find a new thing that's gonna push me.
Christine O'Donnell 16:09
Yes, the thread I think was a sometimes that as well. It started with the guy who was like, you can't be happy and make money that just doesn't work. And then then you were like, trying to challenge his belief. And then he was like, Well, I tried to like force the judge believe this thing that like she just can't believe. Because that would like totally disrupt this our like personal self concept,
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 16:33
I think, the regular habit, the thought habit that I want my clients all to be thinking about is, what self concepts do I identify with today. And some of them aren't like self concept, like, I am a, I am a coach, or I am a mother. It's the smaller self concepts like I am someone who sits on the inside of the table to look out or I'm someone who always leaves the party around, halfway through. I know, it's so funny, because I was just at a Mets game with my family. And now I have, you know, my husband, and we've never really gone to sports games together. But my habits since I was a child is like, you stay to the end of the game. That's what you it's just what you do. It's one of my self concepts like you just, that's what a fan does. That's what a true fan does. And he was kind of like, using his logic being like, no, like, a smart person leaves at the seventh inning, so you don't get stuck in the parking lot and traffic and all these things that I was like, which self concept, but his or mine is going to help us really like have the life that we want to have for our family. Like, can we take parts of what my family thought of as like fun and special and family bonding, and then what his family had or what his habits were? And what do we want to create consciously has the habits of our family as the core values of our family? And can we do this with our business as well, where we're looking, and we're saying, okay, as a business owner, I am someone who is masterful, I am someone who is thoughtful. Okay, let's get even more specific. What type of thoughtful is going to be most useful for you getting your results this month? Does it mean that you respond when someone adds you on starts following you on Instagram, that you message them? Or you send them a voice memo just saying like, thank you so much for the follow, like what's going on in your life? And you are someone who is just connected to everyone who's in your audience? Or does it look a little bit different for you, and it's something I'm trying to think of, because I've created some really great social media habits. One habit I've not created is a great habit of directing people to my email list, just never created the habit of it. And shocker, I'm always like, Oh, I'm not great at at growing my email list. I'm not great at it. But am I not great at it? Or have I literally not thought about it in on a daily basis or on a regular basis. So I'm creating this result with my thoughts. And then I'm looking at the result. And I'm trying to prove that that true. I'm like, See, see, my list hasn't grown that much. It must mean that I'm not good at growing my email list. Okay, like, let's look at the truth. Is it true or did you create that truth? And I think the answer always is that our thoughts always create our results. So if you're looking at your life and you're looking at the number of dollars you have in your bank account, if you're looking at the number For clients you have if you're looking at your close rate on your consults, or if you're looking at, you know, how well you do in launches, and you're saying, See, I'm looking at my past, here's the evidence for what's true for me. you're limiting yourself because truthfully, you created that result with your own thinking up into this point. And if you want to create a different future, you need to believe something that you've never believed before, something that didn't exist in your past. So the high quality question of the day today is, what do you want to believe? What do you need to believe, to create the result that you want to create your new goal that you've never believed before? You get to believe that with zero evidence from your past that it's true. This is a skill, you can do it, it's going to feel silly, make room for the awkwardness, make room for all of those negative thoughts to flood in all the contradictory thoughts that say, Yeah, but really look at this, look at that, look at that. That's okay, that's a normal part of the process, right? Then when those thoughts are flooding in, you just go, Okay, write them down, write down all of the conflicting thoughts that are flooding in when you're trying to believe something new. And then combat them one at a time. If one thought that floods in says, I really don't know what I'm doing here, then you just say, What do I know, you just write down one thought of something that you do know, when you say, like, people, people don't want to buy this. That's something that that floods in for you. You write down an example of someone out there in the world buying it right now, even if it's not from you? Are there examples of people buying this, I was arguing kind of will get the girl the other day who was telling me that the restaurant industry just nobody makes money in the restaurant industry. And I was like, that might feel true. And you might have lots of evidence. I'm not saying you don't to support that. But it's not a fact. facts and truths are different. Facts are facts, they are neutral, they can be proven in a court of law. And her truth that she was focusing on were all the people that she knew in the industry that weren't making money. And I just said, Okay, if we can think in facts here. Some people are making money in the restaurant industry, some people are not, that is a fact. If we wanted, we can get more specific and find out the stats on it. And if you really wanted to focus on the fact that maybe 25% of restaurant owners are profitable, you could use that and make that a bad thing. Or you could say, there are people that are profiting. How do I become one of those people? What do they believe? What are they doing? What's different about that? And let's say it's 0%. Let's say you're trying to create something that nobody in the world has ever created before. Do you think that Elon Musk was like? Nobody's ever done it before? I guess? I guess it's not possible. No, he was like, Cool. Nobody's ever done it before. Let's friggin go. Right. And so you do not need evidence out there. In the world. Obviously, your brain likes evidence. So if there is evidence, throw your brain a bone. But if there's not create it, believe it anyway, believe whatever singular thoughts you need to believe about yourself about the world about your offer about your clients, in order to slowly but surely take the action that you need to take to create something you've never created before. How cool I can't wait to see what you create.
This weekend, I finally got to meet with the march class in person. And it's so cool, because the whole world is virtual now. And I love the fact that I get to meet with my clients weekly, because really realistically, weekly, are we all going to come together and get in the physical, same room weekly. No, we got to get that stuff done. And we can do it from everywhere. It's a beautiful thing. COVID kind of taught us if there was a silver lining what is possible from us just being at home and collaborating just with our brains and not just with our physical bodies. But there is something different about that physical energy every once in a while. And we got to meet in the room and we did some serious future self work. We basically identified all of the future things that our future selves believe that we don't yet believe. And we did a guided visualization where we fully went there to the future. Everyone was sobbing it was really intense. But this week is the masterful CEO school enrollment for September. And I often highlight all of the features of what it's like to be in that room. But if you've been listening to the show, or even if you're brand new, and you're not sure what you want to do, but you know, you need to do something to get your business to the next level. Yes, I can talk to you about how we have strategies for growing your business as well as for setting up the systems and the back end. Yes, I could talk to you about masterful CEOs scheduling, you get the whole course you know how to do it, by the end of your our time together and talk about training you on you need a budget, and making sure that all of your fixed expenses are a part of your business and not putting you into you know, the red or making you worried about your money situation. So you can just get out there and add value. But really, there's something extra special that I don't talk about. And since today is the very last day for you to pre enroll for that September group. And there are just only a certain amount of spots left, I wanted to speak to that person who is craving being in the room with people that are going to elevate them. And weekly, virtually, but also at this live event, our live event for the September class is going to be in January. And I have so many exciting things that we're going to be doing together to shake you up to tell you the things that other people in your life might be too scared to tell you. Like, there's a reason we have our friends and our family that love us no matter what. But my job is to not have empathy for you, not because I don't love you, and not because I don't care about your feelings. It's because my job is to not believe your story. Your story right now is creating the results of your business right now. And you want more. And so in order to get more my job and my promise to you, and everyone that comes into my programs are that I'm going to tell you the truth and be willing to risk the relationship for the highest good of your future self and your future business. I am going to always laser in and find out, hey, if you keep that story, you're going to stay exactly where you want to stay. And the people around you are there to hold you when you're feeling the shame and the guilt or the discomfort and the terrifying fear that might have kept you in this place for as long as it has. If you are ready for that type of level up if you are ready to know exactly what is holding you back, not just Oh, am I not doing the right reels at the right time? No, it's different than that. I can assure you it's never that that's holding any of my clients back from their real goals, right? It's Who are you being? What are you telling yourself about what's possible? Yes, I can teach you how to sell more. Yes, we're going to work on your copywriting skills. But that's a quick fix. That's a short term thing. You can have a really kick ass month. And if you don't believe that you are someone different, you're not going to be able to sustain it. So if you have been on the fence today is the last day you need to go to sincerely future you.com And apply because future you. He's waiting to meet you. She is so cool, my friends. And I am just so excited to have you in the room so that you can experience for yourself that all of these things that you're scared up. It's really just negative emotion. And you can handle any emotion that it takes to have your dream life and your dream business. I will see you in the room. Hey, hamsters, if you want to learn more about today's topic, head over to what's happening.com forward slash podcast. That's what's happening. WHJTS h a p p y and ing.com forward slash podcast if you're a business owner, and you're resonating with what we talked about here, what are you even doing come hang out with me over where the party's at on Instagram at what's happening? WGS? Again. That's happy. h a p p y and ing and book a discovery call to see if coaching is your next best step.
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