We're celebrating episode 200 today – that's 200 weeks of growth, insights, and a whole lot of real talk.
From personal finance questions, to time management without burnout, this episode is packed with information to help you on your entrepreneurship journey. Coach Jess answers viewer questions that apply to every entrepreneur!
And, of course, we're diving into the evolution of business advice and coaching. Less advice, more coaching – it's a game-changer. Discover the fundamental principles that continue to guide Jess' coaching approach.
But wait, here's the scoop! Our podcast is just a glimpse of the magic at the Masterful CEO School. Enroll now for the March class and snag the last $6k pricing – it's going up to $18k, so act fast. Ready to level up?
🌟Join Jess’ Masterful CEO School Today!
Keep dreaming, keep growing, and stay sincerely you!
Listen to episode 171: 24 Non-Monthly Business Expenses to Budget For HERE.
🌟Catch up with Coach Jess...
Website: https://www.sincerelyfutureyou.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessmckinleyuyeno/
*This Transcript is Autogenerated*
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 0:00
Our thoughts create our feelings. And until you create safety for yourself exactly where you are, you are not going to be able to make more money and then feel safety. Welcome to sincerely future you a podcast that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind. You're listening to the sincerely future you podcast. And this is episode 200 200. That felt fun to say I'm not gonna lie. I don't know if I have done anything in my life for 200 weeks in a row other than breathe, and eat and sleep and love the basics, right, but 200 episodes of a podcast, I am so proud of myself, I think operating as my future self, thinking about the person that I wanted to become 200 episodes into the future, when I first decided to launch a podcast, I think that I did my past dreams, justice, there are a lot of things I still want to do. And for sure, in terms of the podcast, the reach and the goals and the type of interactive things that we still want to do our many, there's so many things that are coming in 2024 for you guys. So whether you're a brand new listener, or you've been with me for all 200 episodes, I have even more to bring you in the next 200. But one real reflection that I have had in thinking about how I have evolved and become my future self is that I am even more committed, I think something that happens when you commit to a future that's far away, commit to doing something day in and day out, or week in and week out for, you know, more than 30 days, more than 60 days, more than a year we're going on for years now of me having a committed relationship to sincerely future you into the podcast, you realize that there are certain things that can only be learned through time and through experience. And I'm so grateful to my past self for setting really big goals, not just in terms of downloads and listeners and you know, revenue earnings, which of course I talk about on this show, right? We're talking about big businesses, big lives, expanding yourself setting bigger goals, but really just a general commitment to showing up for yourself and to being there for yourself no matter what. You know, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, she is on her health journey. And I was like, Oh, yep, go for your second run today. And she was like, Oh, I was going to but now it's raining. And I was like, oh, yeah, I totally get it. I don't feel like going for a run today. It's not raining. But I realized, oh, it's really interesting because I showed up to these 200 podcast episodes, rain or shine, proverbial blue, of course, I'm not recording out in the rain. But what I mean is, there were a lot of obstacles certain weeks, to me getting this done. And this getting getting this to you guys. I had a kid I got divorced, I had so much come up. Sometimes I had technical difficulties. Sometimes I when I was in the production of this myself before I was a part of a network and, you know, was a part of the bright sided crew and had people editing for me, I would wake up in the middle of the night at 1am in a cold sweat, like holy, I did not schedule the podcast to go out tomorrow and get up in the middle of the night and go edit my show notes and make sure that everything was in place so that it always came out on time. And I did that for 200 weeks. And the lesson here, right? It's not about my specific show or my specific journey. It's always about how can you see what's possible for your future self. through each of these stories through each of the shout outs of my clients through each of the questions that I coach up on here. How can you see yourself in it? How can you learn from it and how can you evolve into future you because of it so So over here celebrating 200 episodes, knowing that, of course, 200 episodes later, things are better here than they were there and emotionally, I'm not like, Oh, I am emotionally 100% proud and have no areas in which I would like to grow and know areas in which I'm like, Ooh, got to do that better. Right and, and disappointed, I feel all the 5050 here. And also, we're going to take a moment to pause and celebrate. So thank you, every single one of you listeners for listening, whether it's one episode or 200, for every share, every review, I wish I could take this whole episode to just say every name of the people that have DMS me or sent me an email being like, Oh, I loved that episode last week, it means so much to me. And I think also, and this is this may go dark for a quick second, but bear with me, guys. I think about my own death. And I think about the fact that regardless of how much money people make from listening to this, and how much time people say, from listening to this, there will be a day that I'm no longer here. And this podcast will live on as a part of my legacy. My kids can listen to this episode, when I'm not here. And get comfort from that and get wisdom for me. When I'm not even here anymore, my grandkids, my great grandkids, maybe people that I won't ever meet, could potentially meet me know me and learn from me from this experience of committing to 200 episodes. And that brings me so much joy. So if I had to tribute, this edit episode to anyone is going to be to one of my life mentors, Terry Sevilla, who is to me an example of what it means to live a big life. She is an example of what it means to ask really great questions about what's important. And also she was a female entrepreneur, and I say was because she's dying right now. And she's in hospice. And as we're recording this, she could be taking her very last breaths. And I think about the gratitude that she has an appeal that she has, and that she's told me she has in dying because of her consistently going out there. And being willing to feel negative emotion, being willing to take big risks, being willing to go all in and telling people what you really think being in integrity with her thoughts and her feelings and her actions and her results of the beautiful life that she created. So Terry, thank you for just being an example of what's possible to me, Hey, this one's for you. Okay, today, we are going to be giving you guys a treat if you're not on the email list. First of all, make sure you do that go to sincerely future you.com And or my Instagram bio. And you can click over at Jess McKinley, we know on Instagram, je s SMCKIN le y you y e n o go over there and subscribe to anything you can get one of my freebies, you will go on the email list. And that is where we have these types of opportunities where we were asking you submit your questions, submit a video question and we'll coach you up live on this 200 episodes. So that's what we're doing today. Out of the submissions, we picked for questions that span the all of the topics that I coach on one for each that I think is really important. And I just so appreciate everyone who sent in a submission and a video and I hope that you enjoy a taste of what it looks like when I'm answering and coaching your questions what type of experience it is, if you've never worked with a coach, I hope that you really really love this episode.
Hey, Jess, my question for you is, how do I shift out of scarcity with money? I feel like no matter how much I make, I always feel like a little bit more would make me feel safer. This is such an important question. And to answer it, we need to understand two things fundamentally. Number one, why do we set growth goals in the first place and whether it is with money or something else? And number two, what creates the emotion of scarcity or safety for us? So let's answer the first one. You said right? How do we shift out of scarcity with money? It seems no matter how much I make I always feel like a little more would make us feel safer. This is the fundamental catch 22 of goal setting at first, right it's like we set a goal we get There, we feel good for about point five seconds, if that sometimes a little more depending on the goal, depending on the day, depending on our thoughts, and then that becomes the normal and then we set new goals. I don't think of this as a problem, because as human beings, my answer to the question, why do we set growth goals is because that's what we're here for. That's our purpose on earth is to evolve is to pursue something that hasn't been pursued before is to show ourselves what's possible and to continue to break the ceiling of what's possible for us. But the point of the goal here, and especially when it comes to money, isn't to make the money isn't because when you earn $100,000, or $200,000, or $500,000, or get this a million dollars, you are not going to feel better. And that just sounds not true. For those of us who aren't at those income levels. But what I've seen time and time again, in coaching is that
we are trying to hit a goal when we're confused when we're setting a goal not from that first reason that I said, of like setting a goal to push ourselves and to see what's possible. And to make the journey of pursuing something big, more fun. That's what makes life more worth it. That's what makes the process more amazing. When we're setting a goal with the thought error of when I reached this goal, I will feel better, we're setting ourselves up for a big disappointment. And I coached three people yesterday alone, which is why we chose this question, which is why I love this question. One girl was making $50,000. And she was saying how she was feeling in scarcity. And the reality was she needed to make more money. These were her thoughts that she was telling me I needed to make more money. And only when she gets to 100k, right, like she'll be able to feel more settled, more secure. And then I had another conversation later in the day was someone who was making about 260,000. Not about she's making $260,000 in 2023. And she was like, when I'm making 500,000. And then she said, and then she was immediate, like, well, maybe a little bit more. And I was like, Okay, this is funny, I almost wanted to laugh, because I had just had this conversation, but just at a smaller level. And then I had another conversation later in the day with someone who closed 2023 at $940,000. That's almost a million dollars, you guys. And she was having thoughts. She was having feelings, she was absolutely in the emotional 5050 that is being in the entrepreneur experience that is growing, that is pursuing something bigger. And so what I have to say is twofold. And that's now we're going to shift into the second part of this question, which is what creates you feeling scarce? Or safe? If it's not the dollar amount? And the answer that nobody likes to here is that our thoughts create our feelings. And in chill, you create safety for yourself exactly where you are. You are not going to be able to make more money and then feel safety because the thought I need a little more to feel safe will follow you along. I promise you it will you think no, no, but you don't understand it. As long as I could pay this bill, then what happens is you normalize new norms. As you get bigger, you take on bigger expenses. And even if some you're someone who is a minimalist work those same minimalist thoughts and strategies then at the exact level that you're at. This same principle applies to giving right I have heard Tony Robbins say if you're unable to give $1 When you have $100 You will not be able to give a million dollars when you have 100 and million dollars. He is saying that as someone who both had $100 and $100 million. I'm always looking to the wisdom of people who have been there and who have experienced both little money and a lot of money. And I have coached people at all of these levels. And so I know this to be true. If you Want to feel less scarcity, you need to practice thinking thoughts that simply create safety for you. So I'm going to give you some prime examples of thoughts that I like to think when my brain gets a little confused. And it's thinking, all right, you know, just once we hit this launch goal, or once we sell this out, or once we hit this revenue goal, it'll be better, I have to remind myself, number one, it's not better there than here. It's a universal truth that I always need to be reminded of can't hear it enough. Number two, the human experience is 5050. And I say this on the show as well a lot. Because we are not meant to get to a place where all we feel is rainbows and sunshine. And money definitely does not create that. We know it just by looking at Hollywood, we see all sorts of people that come into lots of money, and fame and success, and they seeming Li have meltdowns, or falls or insecurities, or they burn it all down. And it's because their thoughts and their feelings of safety, were not there before they came into this money. So money really just exacerbates whatever you're already experiencing. So you want to clean everything up at whatever level you're at. Because as you scale your business, you're also going to scale and amplify whatever problems are already there. Let's solve for where we're at. Another thought that makes me feel really secure is I don't need anything more than what I have. And I do remember being in a situation where I was paycheck to paycheck, and a single mom. And I was not believing that thought I was like, I need more though me though I need more. Must be nice. It was my thought. But it wasn't until I really realized, hey, like, I actually did have so much joy when I was living in Peru and had very little to my name. It wasn't until when I'm stressed in the details of my launch that my husband goes, you know, we could just sell our house and move to a completely different place that has very little overhead. And that would be fine to go to your worst case scenario. My worst case scenario also does create some safety for me. And, yes, that a lot of that is rooted in some privilege. But even in the situations where I have, I have been coaching people who are in actual scarcity, as you know, people who didn't have backup plans and backup plans. I have found women if you go back to, there was an episode not that long ago, where I had a guest on the podcast that was talking about her experience of being homeless. I have a client who was also at one point homeless. And I think they're also very humbled to remind themselves that, you know, even the worst case scenario is not emotionally that different of a 5050. It's just a different version of 5050 less to lose more to gain, but also, you know, a different kind of 5050. So if you are looking to right now have as one homework, to shift yourself from scarcity into security, it would be to practice really simple thoughts. even find one thought that you already believe about your life and about yourself, as a person and as a CEO. You always figure it out. You have the ability to create more, you'll never lose your ability and your skill to sell and to add value. And that can't be taken away from you. All right, those are my awkward thoughts, but I hope that you find your own thoughts and it becomes even more powerful for you. Question number two.
Speaker 1 19:22
Hi, beloved Jess. So this is a question about perfectionism in all things, but especially in scheduling. Here's my issue. So often, when I schedule my time, I aim for absolute perfection. And if I do show up to everything I wanted to and hit all my marks. I feel completely exhausted and can't show up the next day. But if I don't show up to everything I wanted, then I feel really discouraged. So how can I reframe my thinking here? Please help. Thanks. First,
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 19:58
Lizzie kudos for how you close to the question, you're already more advanced than most of the population and realizing that, of course, it's always our thinking, that is creating our results, and our emotions, but good news, our brain. While it is always the cause of our problems, it is also always the solution. A good place to start when you want to reframe is just looking at the question. I always say the quality of our life and the quality of our business is only ever going to match the quality of the questions that we're asking ourselves. And there are some really subtle flaws and thought errors just in the question and the way the language that we're using to ask it. You said, If I get everything done, I feel exhausted and can't show up the next day, I'd say it's probably more accurate, that you feel exhausted and would want to build in a rest. Day two work at that pace. Or you wouldn't choose to show up again, like this the next day, based on how you scheduled, right. And it looks like you're onto yourself and saying maybe another way to phrase it is that you have a tendency to over schedule, and you're working on reducing the figuring out the sweet spot of how much to schedule in your day, so that you feel rejuvenated by showing up to it rather than burned out. How much different does that feel? And even more advanced tweak in the question is when you say if I don't get everything done, I feel discouraged. I love to tell myself, when I see that I haven't gotten everything done on my schedule, I tend to beat myself up. I think that's what's happening here. It's more accurate, you don't feel discouraged. Our emotions aren't just happening to us. We're creating them with our thinking. This always makes me feel so much more in control, knowing that scheduling isn't creating the discouraged feeling, but that the thought that you should have gotten everything done is what is creating the discouragement, right believing that you should have been different in your past. So let's question it, you should have gotten everything done that you scheduled. Is that true? There's so much data to collect when we're evaluating and improving the way we manage our time. But never from the place of I should have been better. Because your past is perfect. You're always doing the best you can with what you have. And when you're first starting scheduling, be really mindful that this is a growth process. Getting good at scheduling is not this destination. Even for me, as someone that teaches scheduling, I'm always learning new things about myself about my tendencies about which ways I like to prioritize things about how I like to schedule when I'm on my cycle, or how I like to schedule when I'm in the summer versus when I am in the winter, how I like to schedule when I have lots of outside activities, where I am around people all the time, and how I like to schedule my day when it's just for me how I scheduled when I was postpartum versus when I don't have young children, you are evolving at the same time as your business is evolving. And so to expect that your schedule should be one way is setting yourself up for failure. Now, we love failure. But there's two different types of failure. There's the type of failure where you set a plan, and then you show up to it and you don't create the result that you desired. That's the type of failure we love over here. We call it failure collection, where you're like, huh, I scheduled this whole day, I showed up to this. I didn't show up to this, this happened. I look at it. And I evaluate and I'm able to do a clean evaluation where I'm neutrally telling myself the truth not I should have gotten everything done, but okay, I got this done. Why I didn't get this done. Why? Sometimes I love my reasons for not getting something done on my schedule that I previously set. Maybe sometimes the reason that I didn't get something done is because I woke up and my kid was sick that day. And I have to choose to have my own back that I want to be the type of mom that is not going to just let their kids fend for themselves when they're sick. I want to show up for them. And I want to choose to rearrange my schedule, and that's cool. And if you don't have chill Children, right? It could be something as simple as, oh, I scheduled all of this. And I forgot to schedule eating and peeing. And I forgot that I have to go to the grocery store. And I can have my own back on the fact that I actually do want to eat today. And I do want to pee today. And tomorrow, I'm going to accommodate that in my schedule. Knowing that learning and data is all good news. Instead of looking at your past and beating yourself up, or, you know, if you're watching this on YouTube, you're watching I physically take like to take my chin and point it towards my future to say, Hey, what are we going to do about this? Now we have this data, we have this information, we see what worked, what didn't work. Now, the high quality question is, what do I want to do differently? So if you're feeling burned out and discourage from showing up to scheduling, there are two fundamental things, which is, number one, make sure that you're looking at the growth experience of scheduling in terms of how can I always learn from this day and apply it better to my future? Is Number two, how can I just have so much self love for myself? How can I decide that I'm always doing the best that I can with what I've got. And that doesn't mean, even if I show up in a day where nothing on my schedule goes exactly the way it is. I just tell myself the truth, rather than thinking I have to beat myself up. And then I'll one day do it perfectly. No, I just need to be honest. I need to look at it and be like, Oh, I said I was going to do that at 915. But I snooze my alarm. And then that's it. Right? Just tell yourself the truth. Don't avoid looking at it and be like, Oh, well, I'm letting myself off the hook. Letting yourself off. The hook is not evaluating at all, evaluate, but do it in a neutral way where you love yourself. And you're like, Oh, I chose more sleep today. What do I want to do tomorrow? Do I want to bake in more sleep? Or do I want to set a policy and make it harder for myself to not press snooze. And then sometimes you're gonna press snooze again. And then you're gonna practice loving yourself again, and continuing to find creative new ways to help yourself do better in the future. That's all we can do. But if you think that beating yourself up is going to set you up to do better tomorrow in scheduling, you are sorely mistaken, my friends, the easiest way to take an action is from a aligned emotion. And if I want myself to wake up early, which is not my tendency, I need to have a thought that is going to make me feel strong, determined. Excited, one of the emotions that will be easier to take the action from not one of those emotions where I'm like, Oh, I better wake up or else that will be a sure way to create burnout for yourself. Next question. Hey,
Speaker 2 28:17
jazz. It's Maggie, I have a personal finance question. When building a household budget, how do you plan for big expenses that are routinely happen but are seasonal such as big insurance premium payments or planning for a one time vacation? How do you build that out into your budget to make sure that you're sticking to your financial goals?
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 28:46
I love this question, mostly because it's not just a personal finance question. It is a business finance question too. I did an episode A while back called 24 non monthly business expenses to budget for but you can apply this to your personal finance as well and encourage that you do. It's such a huge percentage of our annual expenses. This question, these seasonal expenses are the one off expenses. It's more than we think so proud of you for being onto yourself here. If you haven't yet been able to wealth build in the way that you desire, or in your business or in your life. This is likely the culprit. So if you're looking for this episode, I will link it in the show notes. It's episode number 171. But I'll give you some real quick pointers here, which is first, I recommend getting specific on what non monthly expenses you're talking about what non monthly expenses do you want to plan for for this year? I like to break them down into categories for business purposes. I think of these as business growth goals. So any large An investment that I want to make in myself, by business growth goals, I might mean coaching or networking events or trainings or courses that you want to take some freelance hires, ads or marketing, right, these are one time business growth investments, then we're talking about savings goals. So whether it's personal and you are talking about putting an extension on your house, do the math, figure out what you want to do. Now, it will probably end up being off, there will be more variables to account for. But if you don't give your brain a number to focus on, it's going to spin out in indecision, it's not going to take that expense seriously. And it's certainly not going to begin to budget for it. Now. savings goals and business might be if you want to lead a retreat, or you want to have a staff holiday party, you want to take a flight or sponsor an event, then the next category of these types of non monthly expenses is preparing for the unexpected. So this is something that people don't like to do. Yes, we talk about it in terms of having an emergency fund. But we never even like to use our emergency fund, we beat ourselves up for using the emergency fund. We're like, Oh, God, I had to dip into my savings. What does that mean? Isn't that what savings is for? So I like to make my brain plan for this, I called Preparing for the unexpected. So I always feel as good before, during and after any spending that I make. So I will budget $50 A month towards potential refunds, hidden fees, Rush shipping fees, unexpected price increases in any of my fixed expenses, unexpected investment on it, opportunity that I want to make. I have different categories for this in their own parent category of my budgeting all of this to say when you're like parent category categories, I do this work in YNAB. YNAB is an acronym for you need a budget, and it's the app that I always recommend and actually train on within my mastermind, the masterful CEO school. So if you want to get nitty gritty, and you're ready for that, and you're like, yes, I want to do this for my business, get inside the Masteral CEO school. In fact, we're talking about it in just a bit. But Masteral CEO school is enrolling pre enrolling right now for the March class. So these are one of the things that we work on together. But you're going to this app, it does the math for you. But you can get a rough estimate in Excel or however you do it. But it's going to be a little bit sloppier if you don't have this app to continue to readjust as the year goes. And you get your actual expenses and your actual spending in there. But you can take all of these categories business growth, savings goals, preparing for the unexpected, as we talked about, then there's annual fixed expenses. So anything let's say you have a yearly Microsoft Office fee for your business, and you're like, oh, shoot that, and Amazon Prime annual and Canva annual and your CRM where it all came out in the same month. And you're like, shoo, that was unexpected. Yeah, we want to plan for those things, right. So YNAB will have the dates and it'll do the math for you. But you can just total up all of these things. Once you've done these categories, and then divide it up by 12. It's the simplest way to do it, you may want to reassess six months through because it's going to be off, there's always new variables that pop up, of course, new expenses that we didn't prepare for. But this will help you once you've total it up, you get to budget for these different categories in a monthly way as if they are a very real bill, even though it's not being debited monthly. So I gave you some examples. If I if I wanted to buy a couch for my office space in April, I'll save $250 A month starting January as if it's a real bill. Like I said, YNAB does this in the way that you don't actually have to transfer money to savings in order to assign it as a spent as spent in your brain, which I recommend. But I've seen people successfully do this by doing just that transferring money money to another account, or simply calculating your discretionary income after all of your monthly and non monthly expenses have been accounted for. And only spending that I know this was a nitty gritty one but I'm grateful for the questions sometimes the answer is in the details. This podcast this value is a fraction of the life changing work that we do once we have your actual brain and business to work with the masterful Z A school is my six month advanced coaching room where we reverse engineer your goals like it's hot. We only enrolled twice a year and this week is when we are pre enrolling for the March class, we're already have so many incredible business women in here. And they come to master their money, their time, their CEO drama so they can stay focused on what really matters, which is serving their people, regardless of the obstacles or the interruptions that we know inevitably come up every year. This is the last round at the 6k price before we raise the bar and the whole room goes to eight tiene que Yes, it's a huge jump and a huge shift. So if you've been on the fence, the investment will never be this sweet. I love to give you a heads up before I take any big shifts in my business. So here is yours. The program also includes a live event, which we just wrapped up this past week for the September class, the group has collectively reported making an influx of crazy money just two days after the weekend. Because your thoughts they create your feelings, and that energy is contagious as hell. We already have a doctor, a dog training school owner, attend engineer and accountant and Events Producer of pharma of a demographer and more and I cannot wait to meet the rest of you. You can enroll now or book your consults to answer any last minute questions that you have by going to sincerely future you.com. But otherwise, enrollment closes this Friday, I will see you in the room where it happens.
Speaker 3 36:38
And yes, it's Kelly, I'm interested on how your coaching or your perspectives on time and money and success have shifted since the early episodes of the podcast. And if they have what factors have led to those shifts, the evolving business landscape or experiences. I would love to hear about that. Thanks so much. And congratulations on 200 episodes. I
Jessica McKinley Uyeno 37:03
love these questions, you guys. And this one is especially personal and lovely because of this 200th episode and how much growth there has been. But surprisingly, there hasn't been too much change. So one thing I will say is I give less advice in general than I did at the beginning of starting my podcast journey. Coaching and advice are very different advice is using your expert experience and applying it to what your client is doing. I love seeking counsel from people who are further along than I am. But more often than not, especially in entrepreneurship. There are 100 different ways to create the same result. I know this to be true. I teach a process for scheduling. But I see other people teach different processes. And people will come to me and be like, Well, what do you think about this process, which one is better, or what and I'm like, there isn't better, there's only making a decision and seeing if it works. And there are a lot of ways that are going to work. So even the best mentors experience won't always be the right call for your business is vice. It's good data, but it's rooted in bias. And in the beginning of the podcast in the beginning of anything, I think we're eager to establish our authority in a space and listening back. There were a handful of times that I could hear myself coming from that place of wanting to establish my authority in the coaching industry to have my own intellectual property. And from that place, I gave a little bit more advice than coaching. And now I would say that I give a little bit less advice. I choose to give coaching, coaching, in my opinion and experience is so much more powerful. It's essentially me reflecting back showing you giving you opportunities to see your own thoughts so that you can create your own thoughts to create your own results. It's about asking high quality questions to make sure that I'm not putting my bias into the thing that is creating your big life and your big business. But more to more directly answer your question of what and how it has changed. I'll say two things. Number one, my coaching really has not changed. I still encourage my clients to do the same three fundamental things that I did from episode one, which is to create their future from their future, meaning not just thinking about their future and trying to make decisions from their current thoughts and situations. Most people did that before they came to the podcast but what people really say is revolutionary about the work we do here on sincerely future you is time traveling in your mind to the place where your goals and the next level will self already is, and then reverse engineering your life and business from that space, it is very different, you're using different thoughts that your future self has then trying to build, just thinking about your future from who you are today from the limitations that you have in your brain, different process. The other thing I continue to encourage in my coaching is to seek a big life, which is meaning opening themselves up to more emotions, including negative ones, maybe, and also opening up to more opportunities that scare them. And the third thing I continue to encourage is for my clients to put feet, both in the math of their business and their mindset. There are a lot of coaches out there that just believe in your mindset will create every results. And there are a lot of coaches out there that just teach strategy. And I think that the 5050 hybrid is the sweet spot to creating the big life and business that you really want. And the other thing that I'll say is that I do have one example of one piece of advice early on that I would resend if I could, which I can't, because in the podcast world and in the vlog world, right? Once it's out there, it's out there even if I delete it right, there are people who have been affected by this who have seen it who have have read it, or listen to it. In this case, and I did a piece on boundaries, I advise people to break up with relationships that weren't serving them anymore. It was actually a very popular topic. I think I titled it. It's not you, it's me. And I had this very quippy way of talking about those people who have who we have outgrown in our lives where they're continuing to, you know, show up in small thinking and gossip. And I'm no longer about that life, or it was it was a little high and mighty. And while it was effective, and so many people resonated with it and shared it. Now looking back, I see that that was a little bit one of those toxic buzz feety things that is popular and not for a good reason. It's popular because hurt, people want to feel heard, they want to feel seen, they want people to agree that people are being dicks, that when they're they've an injustice has been done to them. And people shouldn't do this or shouldn't do that. It's why political and political campaigns smear campaigns do the best, it's for this exact reason. It's because emotionally, we want to feel right. And what I would change about this advice, and what has changed about myself in the last four years is that the more I coach, and the more I grow, and the more I learn about myself, the more I deepen into the belief that we don't have to manipulate anyone else in order to have the emotional experience that we want. I would not recommend that you break up or do or cut any ties or boundaries with people. Obviously, there are rare cases in which it does make sense to be very clear with someone that you you know, in a abusive situation or something like that. But most of these people were just looking to feel heard and validated. And they confused what a boundary is. They think, okay, you're breaking my boundary, the boundary is what you should or shouldn't do based on how I think and feel. That's not what a boundary is. A boundary is, what am I going to do. If someone does something that feels unsettled, it's all about us. It's not about the other person. And so I've learned so much more about being in my own model. When I say that if you're new to this podcast, what I mean is focusing on the things that I can control my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my results. And when I try and take action to have other people show up, think, feel and act differently so I can feel better. We're missing the whole point. And I am so glad you asked this question because it made me look back and it made me go back and I got this opportunity to say yeah, you know what? Sometimes we contradict ourselves in the words of wallet Men, do I contradict myself very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes. So one of my most favorite poems and leaves the grass. And it's about the fact that we shouldn't shy away from growth. And we shouldn't be confused when opinions change, and when advice changes, and we're entitled to be able to have a future self that disagrees with our past self. So don't worry about putting something out there, putting content out there and then outgrowing it. That's the that's the evolution. That's the revolution. And I encourage you to be willing to collect that failure. So thank you for being with me for this episode for 200 episodes and for being with me for 200 more. Let's freakin go baby.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai