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142. Giving Money: Are You Over Giving or Not Enough as an Entrepreneur?

Updated: Mar 7

Sincerely, Future You - Life Coach Jessica McKinley Uyeno

Are you a giving-spirited entrepreneur? Maybe you're constantly discounting products and services to friends and family, or maybe you’re giving money with your eyes closed and fingers crossed.

In this episode, learn how to cultivate the practice of giving in a way that aligns with you, the business and the five ways we engage with money.


[00:06:09] Mentally connect with the five ways of managing money

[00:12:20] Giving mantras in order to give in ways that aligns with your values

[00:25:32] How to get more consistent with giving if you’re just starting out

Resources mentioned:

Watch on YouTube:

Full Transcript:

Jessica McKinley 0:00

The entrepreneurs that I work with are what I consider giving spirited entrepreneurs. They value being generous, they identify as givers. And when you don't know how to properly incorporate giving the practice of giving when it comes to money into your habits, that usually leaves you in one of two places.

Jessica McKinley 0:26

Welcome to Sincerely, Future You, a podcast that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind.

Jessica McKinley 0:37

Hey, Happsters, we are as I'm recording this, we're in the middle of enrolling Happsters, and I am just loving it. I love it to see my clients take leaps. And I just always put myself back in that position before I invested in the biggest life changing programs of my life, whether it was in Life Coach School certification, or in my 200k mastermind or way back just in my very first coach. And I've talked about this in several different points in the podcast. But I think that something changes within you when you invest in yourself in an amount that you've never invested before. And I want to offer you that whatever that is whether or not you are hiring a coach, or whether you're investing in your business in some big way, financially spending money and making that transaction, it changes your self concept, because your brain is required to believe in you in that dollar amount, or at least believes in the possibility of that dollar amount coming back to you in value. And there is nothing more special than you expanding your capacity. Whether it is like I said via coaching, or via some other pursuit. So to everyone that has already taken that leap, congratulations to those of you who this is like so obvious. And it's second nature to you. And this doesn't even feel like a leap yet, get ready because after happening sessions, we will be working on happening sessions to point out which name is unclear yet, but probably the masterful CEO school, for those of you who are scaling past multiple, six figures and two more to the seven figure range. So that's on the horizon at some point. And again, I just wanted to commend those of you and those of you who haven't done it yet, I really want to ask you how you believe if you want to get to the next level of your capacity, how you believe you're gonna get there, if you're not willing to prove with your money that you believe in yourself, right? Because our thoughts and our beliefs create our results, not the other way around. So if you're looking for your results, to accidentally give you permission to believe that you can do this, and you can invest in yourself, and you could take a risk, it's not going to happen, has to go the other way around. All right. So I wanted to offer that for you. Now let's talk about giving. There are six ways of engaging with money that I teach. It's earning spending, saving, investing, having and giving. And the one we're going to talk about today, it's often the one people tell me that they find the trickiest to master. And that's giving. So the entrepreneurs that I work with are what I consider giving spirited entrepreneurs, they value being generous, they identify as givers. And when you don't know how to properly incorporate giving the practice of giving when it comes to money into your habits. That usually leaves you in one of two places. Number one, you end up over giving. So this is giving away the business it's giving at the expense of yourself. It's giving out of obligation. For example, if you're constantly discounting things or giving free products or services to friends and family without a clear policy for friends and family. Or if you're giving as a form of people pleasing. For example, if you're giving in a way that's out of alignment simply because someone asked or because you want to be perceived as generous or, more likely you don't want to be perceived as selfish. Over givers might be labeled as a bleeding heart. And notice that when you're a profitable CEO that gives regularly from your profit, you're never labeled that way as a bleeding heart. Isn't this so interesting? So we can, off the bat eliminate any thoughts about the amount of money that we're giving or the consistency at which you're giving, creating the feeling of mastery versus insufficiency in your body. Instead, we want to cultivate the practice of giving in a way that aligns with the other five ways of engaging with money. The other way that I see people showing up in this area, if they are not, properly incorporating giving is that they're under giving. So either they're over giving or undergoing under giving is when people desire to give, but they feel resentful, and ashamed when giving opportunities present themselves, because they are not clear on the math of their business. So they avoid giving opportunities or they make lots of excuses. And it can come off as very defensive, you'll know if this is you, you have maybe sloppy Money, money management, and never enough leftover to give and the way that you would love to get. So if and when you do give, it's always random and emotional giving, right? It's, it's what I call, close your eyes and cross your fingers giving like, Okay, I'm just gonna do this because I feel like I really, really want to, and I want you to have this, but I'm not sure if it's good for my business or my bank account. Or easier. Remember it, I call it fuck it giving, like, Fuck it all right here, take this money, it's okay. Now, the first step in increasing your giving capacity as an entrepreneur is to mentally connect your, your giving with the other five ways of money management. So I'm going to give you seven thoughts of mine that you can borrow about giving. Number one, and these thoughts before I start, these thoughts might help you feel more generous and giving before you even change $1 that you've given, because you might already be giving, but in a way that you're not recognizing. Thought number one, the more money I earn, the more I can give. This is really important because you understand and Don't devalue the role that earning has in your life. And most of my clients don't have a problem with earning, they don't have negative thoughts about it. But some of them do. Some of you guys listening, you struggle, you're like oh, I, I just want to give, I just want to save I want to spend but I don't necessarily need all of this for me. Now I want you to detach, having from earning now I think having is very important too. But that's not the podcast episode today. But earning allows you to give more. So we always want to be increasing our capacity in all areas of money, so that we can increase our, our capacity to do one or the other things. Okay. The second thought is, I love to spend money to give money to companies, makers and business owners that share my values. So I'm always thinking about how I can spend in a way that makes me feel generous. For example, I like to get to know business owners, like at establishments and restaurants of my choice. So for example, my favorite restaurant is to spring we actually got Mark and I got married there. And that felt very generous. I know when COVID hit, I thought so much about the owners of restaurants in my neighborhood, the people that, you know, their whole livelihood was wrapped up in something that we couldn't all go to. So Mark and I were always thinking how can we support our local businesses and we did take out from a restaurant that typically the type of food that you're ordering like steak or like raw fish, it was didn't really make sense to order but we didn't want this business to go under. And we felt very generous spending money during this time when a lot of people weren't spending right. So especially in a recession. I love that. Okay, so like I said, I love to give to companies, makers and business owners including my clients, right all women business owners, so when the holidays are coming up right now, you can think about this right now. How can you spend money for the holidays money that you were already planning to see Bend, to support and give to a small business owner or to a business owner that you want to support or to an organization that you want to support. How can you double dip there? I love it. Number three, I love contributing to our economy by spending, I feel generous when I consume in a way that feels aligned with me. And here, I said, especially during a recession. So funny because the word recession that keeps coming up, I keep hearing people like in the chatter, like maybe there's a recession coming. I don't have too many thoughts about it, mostly because I'm constantly looking at the math. And I don't believe that the circumstance of how the world is doing is what creates my results. I always believe that comes from value. And I believe that what I'm offering is always valuable. My thought actually about a recession is that coaching is the most valuable when other people are spun out. And the world seems to think that we're kind of getting more in scarcity, I think that coaching becomes more valuable for people to understand that scarcity is something that they create in their brain. So I love to spend during a recession, because I'm not worried that I'm going to overspend. And I'm not worried that I'm not going to be able to earn, right. So I love to contribute to our economy by spending. Number four is I love investing in women owned businesses that inspire me and make an impact, this type of giving gives back tenfold. So I'm constantly looking for businesses that their mission and their values are very aligned with me, and I give them all my money like I will spend and invest in businesses that I think, share my values, because a lot of the time I care about a mission or I care about like, for example, the environment, I care a lot about the environment. However, I don't spend a lot of my calendar week, you know, fighting the good fight as I may have when I was younger, you know, when I was in college, I went to the Copenhagen Climate Change convention as a delegate from Northeastern University, and I was, you know, educating people. And now that's not my current priority. However, I'm always thinking about how can I invest in companies that are doing that work that do prioritize that, so that I can contribute in a way that is giving back to something that I care about. So for example, the company minimal impact, she was a client of mine, she sells products like household products that are environmentally friendly, and she educates, and she helps local business owners become more environmentally friendly in their practices as well. So amazing, you should definitely check her out. And then also, I think its impact minimal actually on Instagram. And then I'll make sure to link it in the show notes. And then also Beautycounter is a makeup company that I support, and they are very conscious about the environment. So how can you invest in a way that feels generous to either the causes or generous, literally, financially to the people that share your values? Number five, I love saving for my future. So I can leave a legacy for my family, and give back to causes in an impactful way, causes that maybe I'm dear to me or my loved ones in the future. So I love saving for my future because in the future, I may have a problem or a desire to give that I don't currently have right now. That's a really interesting one. You know, when I think back and I think about right now, now I care about giving my money to things that benefit my community, because it will benefit my children. And I didn't care about that aspect of my community in the past because I didn't have children. It just wasn't where my brain went. I cared more politically about other things, right. And so it's really interesting to when I think about saving for my future I think about it in a Genesee and generous way. I think about leaving a legacy for my family. So that is giving when I'm saving because I'm giving to my family I'm giving in the future. So fun. And yesterday I sponsored my executive assistant Janelle is daughter and cheerleading and I was able to do that. I two days ago, I donated to a Kickstarter project that Asha Daya was doing for me On the reproductive rights of women, and I think that it's so important this, this film and this work that she was doing, and I was able to donate in a generous way there. Last week, I donated to a teacher of mine who is also a friend and an inspiration of mine who is fighting cancer. And I donated to her charity. And then next week, I have a yoga class that we're doing as a charity give back for a mogul member. I'll tell you about moguls in a second that lost her husband to ALS recently, and we're going to be giving to hope loves company, which is an organization that gives back to families and especially to children. And all of that giving came from me saving in a profound way over the last couple of years. And I did not in the past, think about saving, has giving so I was less likely to save in the past, does this make sense to you? Same thing with earning, if you do not think of the attachment that earning has to your capacity to give, you are less likely to prioritize earning. Okay, so just see how all of this is like, the sixth thought I have for you is, the more money I earn, the greater possibility others will see in themselves. Oh, this one is so important. And it's so true. It's by yesterday, I shared that I made $10,000 in my sleep. I think that sounds kind of crazy. I think a couple of years ago, I might have thought that someone was just sharing that to sound important. And I don't I know because my inspirations and my mentors, that being so transparent about what they're earning, made me believe that it was possible for me. And when I do that when the more money I earn, and the more I share about what I'm earning, it's giving an I'm giving possibility, especially to other moms, especially to other single moms when I was a single mom, and what I made some of the biggest jumps in my earning. And just to women in general, by earning I'm giving permission, a possibility and a path for others to do the same. And then finally, the final thought is giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. Whoo, think about that one, right? If you are giving, you are also going to receive in some way. So when my clients give me money, they are receiving back the value and the knowledge and the coaching, that's going to help them create more time and money and mine, like mindset piece in their business. Okay, and it's the same thing with any sort of transaction. And if you struggle with receiving, I want you to offer that you're robbing someone else I want to offer you that you're robbing someone else of their opportunity to give to you. When you think of giving and receiving as two sides of the same coin, you can open yourself up to doing both more frequently and more willingly. I feel so passionate about that last one, so much so that I co founded an organization based on it. So you can check out moguls of infinite opportunity. I've mentioned it and a handful of episodes here. But I'll link it in the shownotes as well. You can go to moguls of the infinite Or you can check us out on Instagram at moguls underscore of underscore infinite underscore opportunity, all the underscores. And this is where we support women owned businesses and not just their businesses, financially and also educationally. But the humans behind this business. That's where we're doing that giving event for one of our members who had lost her husband to ALS, because there are humans running these businesses, you are a CEO and if your kid it gets sick or if you get sick or your husband gets sick or your wife gets sick, or you are in some way you're grieving and you have to take a step back, you shouldn't feel like you your business is a burden to you. And I want to support people in that way. So that's what moguls of infinite opportunity does. And if this episode really resonates with you, you might want to check out joining. Okay, now for that shameless plug in I really think this organization is so huge. I have a couple of more things. So number one, I got a question from you guys from the audience, which is how do you get more consistent with giving if you're just starting out? Because I really do believe giving is not something that you have to be rich to do. But nor is it something that we ever do at the expense of ourselves, okay? So you don't have to give a lot in order to give consistently. And part of that is about budgeting. So and the other part of it is about policies. So I'm going to give you an example of a client of mine, who had a physical shop where people were coming in all the time asking her to donate. She's also a very generous person, someone that is giving spirited, but she was starting to feel like she was over giving, and she was, and then it would be she toggle back and forth between over giving and under giving. And part of it was because she didn't know how much she wanted to give. So I implore all of you guys to incorporate a giving budget, if you do not decide in advance how much you want to give, most likely, you're going to end up over giving or under giving, based on how you feel in the moment. And there's nothing wrong with you know, giving from your heart and giving from your emotions. But it will feel so much more aligned. If you know that when you're giving, you're not giving at the expense of another priority of yours. Because that you also could be giving to right. So I love to give within my budget, you can start out with even just $10 a month and you say this is what I'm going to do as my giving. Or you know, you could put up 25 or 50, or whatever it is I started out when I first put it in my budget. I budget using you need a budget, I had it as a line item in just for fun parent category, which was donations and I had $50 and I got consistent. It wasn't until I was able to consistently put $50 in that in that spot and spend from it and not overspend spend and or underspend as in like I couldn't actually contribute that every month, I did not change the budget amount. So you want to start in a in a place that you can get consistent with and make it a realistic goal for you. And then if you're not budgeting at all, holistically for anything, it's going to be difficult for you to do this. That's one of the things that I do teach people how to do and happening sessions is to create a meticulous budget, so you know where every dollar of your money is going. And so that every dollar has a role, right? Without giving and spending and saving towards long term towards your business towards your fixed expenses. And you're just for fun. Okay, so my client who had the shop, people were coming in and always asking her for donations. And she was starting to like, See, I always make this joke. It was hilarious. It actually was one session of ours, where she was like, I started to see the Boy Scouts. And I'm like, I'm starting to like resent them. Like, I'm starting to be like, No, do gooder stop entering my store. Because you're making me go broke. I'm like, okay, obviously, no one can make you do anything. But you're donating, you're over giving from the emotion of guilt or obligation, instead of from generosity. And we always want to be giving from generosity. So I just asked her how much if we reverse engineer it from her budget, what would feel generous, but wouldn't feel like over giving within your budget to donate. And we ended up coming up with a budget for her initially, that was monthly. And then she just always kind of gave it within the first couple of days. And it wasn't that it wasn't what she wanted. So we broke it down to a quarterly budget, and the quarterly budget. I forget the exact amount that she had for our quarterly budget. And then she was giving and we were able to tweak the policy over the course of the year where when someone came in, she would say like, okay, great. Yep, I do have a budget for that. And she could donate $100 or $50. Within her bigger budget of I think it was $250 a quarter or something like that. And then she realized, oh, certain donations didn't feel good. Like maybe she didn't want to just be giving cash donations. And she wanted to be giving gift baskets because she had a product based business. And that felt more aligned with her and also with her mission of helping people come to know her product and come to love her products. She has a floor she had amazing gift baskets. And so she was like, Oh, I will I feel so much better donating these gift baskets. So we said oh she could donate $250 worth of product and or gift cards. And finally her giving policy ended up allowing her to feel so good about giving and when she constrained and when there will was no more money left in the budget that quarter she'd be, she would be able to say very neutrally, I are giving budget or donations budget for the quarter has already been allocated. But if you come back in April, I will have, I will be able to contribute. And they'd say, okay, great. And then she felt very aligned, because she knew she had been very generous, and up to the amount that she wanted to be generous. And she also felt great. Like she was operating as a masterful CEO, which is so important. And so for those of you who are wondering how to get more consistent with giving, number one, come up with your giving budget. And in general, I implore you to create a holistic budget for all of your money. But if you want to just start with how much money you want to donate per month, or per quarter, and then number two, create a policies that feel good to you. So what kind of don't giving Do you want to do? If this applies to you, right? Do you want to only give to things that have to do with your children, or are you want to be able to give, but only in a way that has to do with your your business, right, you will find the policies that work for you. But if you don't have any policies, it'll end up getting away from you. All right, you guys. So I, before I leave you, I just have four goals that you can make sure that you're giving in a way that's always stays aligned. Number one, your goal is to be generous with money, never out of obligation and never followed by scarcity. Check in with yourself if either of those emotions are coming of obligation or scarcity. And then notice that that is not generosity, okay, giving should always feel aligned. And it should help you feel generous and abundant, not obligated or scarce. Number two, donate give, invest regularly in the causes that are important to you, or important to me, right? These are my goals. And in order to do that, you need to know what's important to you. Maybe this is a time for you to do a log and decide what is important, and how would I like to contribute in this way. And number three, give and receive money with equal measure of ease and joy. So giving, if you are improving and growing your capacity and this skill, you're also going to want to improve your capacity to receive because you're not going to be able to be super generous, if you don't have to give and you need to be able to receive in order to give in this way. So the better you get at receiving, the better you will get at giving and vice versa, the better you are at giving, the more freely you will receive. It's a beautiful relationship. And finally, number four, earn, spend and save money as a form of giving, giving to the world, the women, your family and example of what's possible. Okay, I'm going to repeat that one one more time, because I think it's so powerful. My goal is to earn, spend and save money as a form of giving to the world to women, to my family. And to give an example of what's possible. Like I said, I have some resources for you. You can go and check out moguls of infinite opportunity if you're giving spirited entrepreneur and you want to get involved there. Or also make sure you check out you need a budget that calm I recommend that app I train my clients on it both in their personal finances in their business finances, because I think having meticulous budget allows us to make better decisions as a CEO. Okay, you guys have a beautiful day, go out there and be your most generous selves.

Jessica McKinley 29:07

Hey Happsters, if you want to learn more about today's topic, head over to what's forward [slash] podcast. That's what's happening. W h a t s h a p p y n i n g [dot] com forward [slash] podcasts. If you're a business owner and you're resonating with what we talked about here, what are you even doing? Come hang out with me over where the party's at on Instagram [@} what's happyning w jess. Again that's happy. H a p p y i n g and book a discovery call to see if coaching is your next best step.

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