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119. Succeeding from Your Failures, the Right Way

Updated: Mar 7

Sincerely, Future You - Failure to Success

Do you have a history of starting things, but not finishing? Jess breaks down how to re-wire your thinking to follow through to completion. The dangers of the "Failure Spiral." Being a leader in your industry or starting a business, everything involves risks. Some of those risks might cost you, but as Jess explains, they don't have to ruin you. Why do we need to unlearn everything we thought we knew about failure. Entrepreneurship isn't supposed to feel good all of the time. There are ups and downs.

Sincerely, Future You on YouTube

Full Transcript

Jessica McKinley 00:00

I think it's really important for you to see this in such simple terms. failure isn't the problem. It's what you do when you fail. It's how you look at the failure. It's, it's how you're showing up to the failure and reflecting on it. Are you showing up as a masterful CEO? Or are you showing up in your drama brain spinning out and make it mean all sorts of things about you and your future? And then making decisions from that poorly managed place Welcome to sincerely future you a podcast that helps ambitious women like you and make decisions today with the future you in mind

Jessica McKinley 00:49

Hi, hamsters. It's June. I love Jun. Jun means it's pretty much everyone that I loves birthday. slight exaggeration, but not really. It's Mark's birthday. Quite a few hamsters, including Krista Happy Birthday, Krista. It will likely be the birth month of our soon to be daughter, Monica. And it will Herbert they may very well fall on one of my favorite days of the year, June 27. My brother, my mom and my grandma grandfather's birthday, Mari would be a fourth generation on the same day. I

Jessica McKinley 01:25

don't know if I've mentioned this yet on the podcast, but it is just something that's blowing my whole family's mind. So hopefully, that pans out two days early from the due date. We love it. But I recently said to a friend other people's birthdays are my favorite holiday. And she really found this hilarious, but I was dead serious. I love an opportunity to celebrate the people that I love, the specific things that they bring into the world and into my life. To be honest, I'm a big fan of any excuse to celebrate something random. My birthday actually also falls on national meatball day. And I love that that's even a thing national meatball day. What like yes, I will celebrate the people that I love in the most extravagant ways on their birthdays, even if they don't want me to the same way I will exclaim, can we just take a moment of gratitude to the inventor of meatballs, likely someone with a pseudonym of Nona somewhere every March 9, which is national nipple day and my birthday. So today, if you're listening to this podcast, I want you to look up, I don't know what date whether you're listening to it on the day that it comes out or whatever day you're listening to this could be wait years in the future. Look up what the random holiday is today and celebrate it like it's going out of style. Okay. Celebrate something specific, whether it's in your business or your life or just the national holiday. So fun. So before we get into the topic of the week, we got to shout out the hamster of the week, who is Denise, Denise is a brand new Hopster and she's going to be in the September class of happening sessions. And yesterday, she reached out saying that she's looking forward to getting the workbook for our work together because she saw on my stories that I just had that new round, printed and ordered and I'm gonna be sending them out. Mind you, she hasn't even had a coaching call yet. But I extended her the same challenge that I gave to march class member, you might remember her from the podcast, Sarah Klein, you I said use it and the things that you've already learned to make your happening sessions investment back before the group even starts in September. And Denise replied with some of my favorite words in the English Language Challenge accepted. So game on, Denise, I'm cheering you on. And I have no doubt that you're going to blow your own mind pursuing this shot. All right, let's dive in. This is an episode that was very much inspired by my mastermind call. That was yesterday. I was on and there was a guest coach in there who's also a friend and colleague of mine. Her name is Olivia visa cero. You can find her on the less stress to lawyer on Instagram. She is a life coach for lawyers. And she she's an exceptional coach in general. And she loves visuals. So she was creating this chart to explain the visual effects of what was happening to this girl that was leading her towards quitting and I was like, Oh my gosh, this is the exact visual. That's the opposite of failure collection. So I immediately after we got off the call made a little chart graph with a visual of what failure selection looks like because I think that most people, when they hear the term failure collection, they think of it as like a negative spiral. They think of it as a problem. They don't really understand how it's supposed to look like, like, okay, so I'm failing. But do I want to stay here? What does that look like, and I get it. So it was really helpful for me to be like, oh, you know what, maybe the hipsters could use a visual. And I know, if you're listening to this podcast, you can't see the visual right now. But I'm going to create it in Canva, I kind of created it just in my notebook. But I'm gonna go and create it in Canva, a fancier version. And I'm going to post it on Instagram. So make sure you are going over there and following over there. So you can see these two visuals, the difference between failure collection, productive failure collection and failure spiral, which was what Olivia was kind of mapping out for us. So if you're someone that's listening, who has a history of starting things, and then eventually, either pivoting or quitting, here's probably what's happening for you. Number one, you're approaching your business with a false understanding of what failure means. In school, we're taught that failure is the opposite of success. That it if you're taking a test, or doing a paper that an F is the worst thing that we could create that failure have some sort of finality to it, or some sort of attachment to who you are like you're an F student, or at the very least, that it's an indicator that we're going in the opposite direction of success. But in entrepreneurship, that is not the case. If you haven't yet, go back and listen to the episode on failure collection, where I explain the monthly process that hamsters use to neutralize and eventually, actually cozy up with and get comfortable within the discomfort of failure every month. I'll link that in the show notes. But for now, I want to bring it to your awareness what a productive failure collection pursuit looks and feels like in comparison to a failure spiral, which is what I'm going to call this other trajectory where you're failing, but not in a good way. Right? You're not using your failure to your advantage, you're not leveraging it. So the question, the high quality question of today is, are you on the path to quitting with failure? Or are you on the path to growth and inevitable success with failure? So let's start with the productive failure collection, because most of you guys are familiar with that. And if you're not, here's just the baseline of it. It might look like this in your business, you start a business, and your feelings are excited and determined. Then you create a plan and start acting on it. You feel maybe anticipation or productive or optimistic, then you start collecting failures, and you feel terrible. Notice how even in the productive failure collection, there are negative emotions, this is not a problem. Because of step four, which is the crucial one, where you get coaching and evaluate. During this coaching and evaluation process, you go from feeling terrible, to feeling neutral, or curious.

Jessica McKinley 08:32

And a renewed understanding and optimism based on what you've now learned from your evaluation, or based on the awareness that you now have that was brought to you through coaching, right? So so far, we have the four steps we have you start your business, you create a plan and start acting on it, you start collecting failures, and then you get coaching and evaluate. But the feeling trajectory is kind of like a little bit of a, it's going up, it's going down, it's going back up, right. It's kind of like what we described as the entrepreneur roller coaster, except this one is way more controlled, and less, you're less at the mercy of your emotions in this process. Now Step Five might look like recommitting to your goal and your belief in yourself, your offer your clients and your goal. And during that process, your feelings would be renewed excitement and a deeper belief in all of those things that I just mentioned. And then the final step is number six, which is collect more failures and then you just rinse and repeat until the goal is achieved. Right. So of course in order to get to your goal or to create success. It requires a willingness to experience negative emotion and I am not shy about that in my coaching I do not pretend that entrepreneurship should feel good all of the time. It shouldn't. However, there's a big difference between entrepreneurs who come in and expect things or try and, you know, be toxically positive about certain situations or circumstances, instead of just noting that, oh, this emotion is just something I'm creating, because my brain is believing this thought right now. But my thoughts aren't true. I'm just going to process the emotion and then we'll get through it, right. So I want to note here, your success is inevitable with this failure collection process. Because there's endless growth, problem solving. And for progress, the only thing that makes failure a problem is our misunderstanding of it, our interpretation of failure as the path to inevitable failure, rather than the path to inevitable success. Okay, so now we're going to look at what it looks and feels like to go into a failure spiral, which might be a little triggering for some of you listening, because it might be what you are typically doing, or what you're currently doing. So this looks like step one, same as last you start a business and feel excited or determined. Let's say, step two, you create that action plan, and you go and start executing it. And you feel exactly what we, you fell in failure collection. So in the beginning, failure collection and failure spiral look the same. It's like you start here, and you start to kind of go, like, you're like, Oh, I'm going on the roller coaster, I'm going over it right. So you feel anticipation, productive, optimistic, maybe, then three, you get to the My favorite part of the failure collection. And you may start feeling confused or bummed or discouraged maybe. And then here's the biggest difference between people who failure spiral, and people who collect failure in pursuit of their inevitable goal. They do not get coaching, or they do not evaluate, they do not look at the math of their business. Or maybe even you look at the math of your business, but with the thoughts that this with negative thoughts about the math, not neutral thoughts. So you might look at your numbers and say, Oh, my goal was 10, I got two, that's terrible. It's not enough, right. And then what happens is that you take action from that place, instead of getting coaching and cleaning it up. So step four, in the failure spiral is where you start to go off track, and use take less action, or more scattered huskily, or action, or you avoid taking action. There's different people I notice, respond in different ways. So I wasn't going to just say that you generally take less action or more action, it's just if you are taking action from this place, it's usually not focused, determined, neutral result, creating action, it's very scattered, huskily, or detached from

Jessica McKinley 13:36

the emotion or the goal action, it's kind of like just like, Okay, I'm just gonna do it just for the sake of doing it. And your feelings there are even more discouraged and frustrated. Then, step five on this is a continued spiral, you take even less action or a more scattered action, and then your feelings are worried and desperate. And then you take even less or more scattered action, while all the while degrading your belief in the possibility or inevitability of your results, to grading your belief and your value to grading your belief in offer. Lots of people like to during this time, lower their prices, or discount or break policies in order to compensate for the results that they're getting thinking that might work. Right. They're doing all of that from worried and desperate. And then finally, when they continue to take that less action or the more scattered hustle you action, they either end up feeling defeated or burnt out. And then final step in this spiral is they quit. So I think it's really important for you to see this in such simple terms. failure isn't the problem. It's what you do when you fail. It's how you look at the failure. It's, it's how you're showing up to the failure and reflecting on it. Are you showing up as a masterful CEO? Or are you showing up in your drama brain spinning out and make it mean all sorts of things about you and your future, and then making decisions from that poorly managed place? Right. And so I see so many people tell me that they really want to start working together, they want to be inhabiting sessions, all the things, but they really just need to get to this certain place in their business, but their inner fire failure spiral, so they never get there. And they never take the leap and get in happening sessions they never get in coaching. And the worst thing for me ever, is to watch these amazingly talented women who have something to give who have something to offer, that are preventing themselves from making the impact that they want to make, because they don't know how to get out of this spiral. And they're blaming all of it on their failures. And then they're using their history of failure against themselves instead of for themselves instead of as like a history as a library of what not to do or what's not working or what can we glean from this right? That is the intentional process that we use in failure collection and in coaching. So which chart are you tracking along? Failure collection, or failure spiral? I am so desperate, I'm on a mission, I'm desperate to change the narrative of failure and change the way that we think about it. Because it's not a problem as long as we're not using it to spiral out of control. So if this feels really like I'm talking to you, it's because I am. Be mindful my darling hamsters that failure collection is not a sign that something is going wrong. When you buy into this thought error, you undermine your most essential belief as a business owner, that your desired results are inevitable. Our future is whatever we decided is, and there is room for the math to catch up with our vision, it actually has to happen that way, there's gonna be some lag time. If you want to master this process, as all hipsters do, make sure that you're on the waitlist for the next round of happening sessions. Link. I'll link that in the show notes. And also you can connect with it over on my Instagram, what's happening W Jess, or set up a free 20 minute mini session with me today? Like what are you waiting for? Honestly, I, I probably won't continue forever to do these free mini sessions. Because as my business has scaled, I just have less and less availability. But I'm still really just enjoying connecting with my podcast listeners and with people who are in this phase and feel like they don't know how to get out. This is the place where you come and you're celebrating and it's a safe space to collect failures, until you inevitably get the result that you came for. Whether that's a certain number of clients, whether it's certain number of 1000s of dollars a month, or whether it is you know, a milestone within your business or

Jessica McKinley 18:43

launching a new product or opening a physical space, right? All of those goals are inevitable when you're willing to sit within this process and you don't get confused here. I cannot wait to connect with you. Please. it like it is essential that you unlearn everything you've been taught about failing, and that you start implementing with it with intention. I've got a foolproof process to make sure you don't spiral out and I cannot wait to connect with you. So much love my Happsters and a celebratory weekend of specifics to you. Have a great weekend.

Hey Happters. If you want to learn more about today's topic, head over to what's forward-slash podcasts. That's what's happening. podcast that's what's happening w-h-a-t-s-h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g com forward slash podcast if you're a business owner and you're resonating with what we talk about here what are you even doing come hang out with me over where the party's at on Instagram at what's happening w jets again that's happy h-a-p-p-y-n-i-n-g and book a discovery call to see if coaching is your next best step

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