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197. The Cost of Comparison: Avoiding Pitfalls and Finding Your Sweet Spot

Updated: Mar 7

Jess explores the dangers of getting caught up in "other people's models" and actively robbing ourselves of personal growth. Get ready to shake up your mindset, celebrate every moment, and find pure joy in chasing your goals. It's time to kick off the Hype Sesh Revolution and start living your big, bold life in the sweetest spot imaginable!

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*This Transcript is Autogenerated*

Jessica McKinley Uyeno 0:00

We are actively robbing ourselves of the opportunity to mature, we're missing out on seeing all the things that we can control. Instead, we waste our time trying to manipulate or convince other people that they should think feel do or be different. Welcome to sincerely future you a podcast that helps ambitious women like you make decisions today with the future you in mind. Do your goals feel far away? Are you prolonging feeling joy and celebration? I have been in that season in my business. And so I wanted to dedicate this episode to you if this is what you're feeling this entire episode, it's going to be an extended hype sesh because I believe in you. And I'm here to motivate you to live in that sweet spot in your big life where you get to celebrate now, not just when you hit the goal, get into what we're going to talk about today as icing energy. It's where you know that everything that's happening right now, that's happened up until now the fails the learning the clients you've created thus far, they are worth pausing in gratitude for their the cake, and the rest. It's just icing. Let's dive in. Alright, y'all who needs a hype? sesh you know that this is actually the time in the podcast where we usually hype you up. But actually, we're not going to do a hype segment, because this entire episode is going to hype you up. I have been thinking about what has shifted for me energetically. I've been having lots of you guys tell me Oh, my gosh, I feel like watching you want to Instagram has been like a whole new level of you. What are you drinking over there? What's going on? What's happening? Is there something happening in your personal life that's making you so excited and energized. And I really think I needed to put a name to this, you know me, I gotta put a name to the methods. So we're gonna call this the icing method that I'm telling you about today, which is about bridging the gap between celebrating and loving exactly where you're at. And having those stretch goals where you are focused on the future and where you're going. And sometimes I think people think they need to switch between being super goal oriented and being focused on the future, and then coming back and being like, you know what, I'm going to turn that part of my brain off, I'm just going to relax, I'm just going to a joy, as if those two things are opposites. And if we know anything about my brand, it's about how we can live in duality, how we can see two opposites as actually one universal truth. So I wanted to share with you a couple of stories throughout the history of my life and my business, that show you exactly how I have done this and how it has led me to be able to really sincerely I say this no bullshit, enjoy every step of my growth, including the parts where I fall on my face, the parts where I have depleted my bank account, the parts where I really do not know what is coming next. And I've been able to get into my body and find a place of deep gratitude for even the hard parts. And I deeply, deeply know that this is the key to more of you feeling excited and just present with your business and in turn, being able to take more bold action and sell more and make more money and being able to also simultaneously say yes to rest and shutting down. Okay, you've got this. So sometimes people are going to be confused about everything I'm about to tell you. Can I get an amen on that it is natural for us to want to spend lots of time thinking about what other people should do, how they should feel the results they should have or want in their life, whether it's our kids or our neighbor, or our significant other or our clients or our team, we have lots of thoughts about how other people should be what they should or should not believe. That's because it's safe. It's safe to plan and judge other people's lives. But when we spend too much time really anytime, in what I refer to as other people's models, that's their thoughts, their feelings, their actions and their results. We are actively robbing ourselves of the opportunity to mature, we're missing out and seeing all the things that we can control. Instead, we waste our time trying to manipulate or convince other people that they should think feel do or be different. I want to tell you to Use stories specifically to introduce you to one of my favorite strategies for living in that sweet spot of your big life for enjoying the fruits of your labor while the fruit is it's ripest for celebrating where you're at right now, even though you may right now be far away from your next call. So rewind six years ago, I was living in a no frills and that's a generous way of describing it. One bedroom apartment with a new baby. And by Ben husband, I was fitness coaching and I was making about 18k a year dabbling and starting and trying to figure out what I was doing while I was also trying to figure out how to be a mom, right? I had 1,000,001 goals, most of which really felt like they were for the people in the books that I read. And I was somehow stuck on the other side of that glass window, admiring them and dreaming of a one day in general, I would say that all of my goals, while I believed that I was a person who could do big things, and who had big things in her future, always had her future at an arm's length. I remember saying out loud one day at the park during this time, I love our life. And my ex being really confused, like almost giving a grimace at me. And listen, I he's a great guy still is I love him. But he was definitely confused. He kept insisting that by me saying how much I loved our life. I was settling. I was saying that this was good enough. He had goals too. And he was deeply unsatisfied with our life because of that gap to our goal, which I get and have also experienced. He wanted more space for our baby, he wanted to be able to afford a babysitter and sushi nights, he wanted a savings account that was full to his standard. And I agreed, yes, we're gonna have those things. But we can't wait for those things in order to be happy, like we can be happy now. And he felt like being happy now celebrating now was doing a disservice to our future self. And if you guys can relate to this, this idea that if you let yourself enjoy or slow down or celebrate something small, you're lowering your standards, you are missing the whole point. Arriving at your goals is not what creates happiness. And he didn't agree. And fundamentally, we really struggled to reconcile this for us the way that we were approaching life where I wanted to live in celebration, and he wanted to live in stretch. And those of you who are regular listeners of the show, you know I'm all about future focus, the name of the frickin podcast is sincerely future you, but not because how I will feel when I get there. That is confusing the purpose of being future focused. We have the privilege as human beings with pre frontal cortexes of being able to use our imagination to plan to anticipate and to decide on a future and then to feel and celebrate it in advance. Because if you can think about your future, what you're doing is actually accessing it and experiencing it. Because if you don't practice this now, you're gonna miss the whole damn point. People who think I'll do this, when I'll feel that when all celebrate when they never feel ready to invest. They never make those leaps to invest. They never truly rest. They miss out on the deep joy of the moment in the 5050. They have this illusion and this fantasy that somehow in the future when we arrive to the goal, they will somehow miraculously not feel any negative emotion in that moment. And I'm here to tell you as someone who has reached a lot of my goals, that that does not happen.

There is so much going on this month and next month in the sincerely future you world and so I needed to take a quick second to just let you know about some of the opportunities if you're not on my email list or following me on Instagram. You may not have heard, but we have our ninth annual cow autumn ninth annual letter to future you workshop. This is the actual one day workshop that I did that inspired the entire name of My business and of my podcast. It is the people love go crazy for this workshop because it's really all about accessing future you in a moment. And then also, being able to read this letter A year later, we are going to do it. So whether it is your first time doing this exercise, or whether you're coming back for more, make sure you do not miss at 12pm. On December 31, we are going to kick off the new year, right? You know, if you're feeling like you're closing out a year that you really just want to put in an envelope and kind of put into the past, all good. And if you're closing out the year strong, kudos to you either way, we want to start out that new year. And again, who cares, right? It's like a Monday, it's arbitrary, but also any opportunity we have to harness our energy and to get into that CEO mindset about our future. I'm gonna take it and we're gonna run with it. So you can find the link to that at sincerely future Or, of course, in the show notes, or anywhere at my Instagram at Jess McKinley waynebow, je s s MC KINLEYU, i e n o, go check it out and make sure you are registered. It is free 99. And also, before we get back to the show, I want to also make sure for those of you who know that you're already in for masterful CEO school. If you're a new listener, this is my advanced mastermind, six months where business owners come to really make sure that they level up in mastering their time, their money, and organize all of that CEO drama, pre enrollment officially starts January 8. But since this is the last round, at the 6k price before it goes up to 18k, we are going to give you an opportunity to make sure you do not get your spot just snagged right out from under you. And so I've opened up a extra little link for those of you who know you're in to put down your deposit right now. You can find that link in the show notes. And for those early birds, anyone who does secure your spot in the masterful CEO school March class, I'm gonna give you something better than a worm. Right? early birds, we're gonna give you one of those stackable word of the year rings. If you have been watching the YouTube, you've probably seen me wear this. Oftentimes people are always asking me oh my gosh, what is that say? It is personally engraved with your Word of the Year. If you think that's cliche, maybe this isn't for you. But I promise you, my year, my word last year was sold out. And what did we do we sold out if you need a word to just kind of slap you across the face every couple of hours. This is something that will just be a fun little Blinky bonus for you cannot wait to see who is in that room, whether you're pre enrolled or not. So I want to share with you a business example a second story, I had a offer that was called to happening sessions that I have evolved many times over. And it was my very first offer of group coaching. When I first had it in his first form, it was $37 I believe $37 a month for a membership style coaching, group coaching where you can come into this community. And I physically mailed them a binder and all of the things that we were going to work on each month. I mean, it was such an overdeliver each month I had a theme. We talked about money. We talked about relationships, we talked about all of these things, right? I was coaching $39 a month, right? It was not a very popular offer. People were just like, ah, yeah, I'll come in, they'd be in for a couple of months and then they would cancel or they would just like not show up because the investment was so low that they didn't feel bad about missing missing a session right then ultimately, I had a total freak out about raising the price to $79 a month. I came up with this package of a year long subscription that because it was a year I just can't I think it ended up costing like $299 or something for a year of working with me Can we even right now okay, but with this offer, there was one person that out of the blue came purchased it and it was right before I was gonna shut this down. I think I've told a version of the story for a different purpose. Another time in the podcast but when she bought it I remembered thinking I have arrived. I am a real coach now all my gosh. Someone wants to invest in being in my World for one whole year, I celebrated that moment, like nothing I have ever celebrated. And I started to say, I don't care that I'm still not hitting my financial goals, not I don't care as in, I'm going to just not set goals anymore. Not look at them. I just met that. I'm okay with seeing the gap to my goal and not making it mean anything about me. I am going to lean in to celebrating every little thing that happened. And from that moment, I just remembered having the thought, oh my gosh, I've arrived as a coach and being like, wow, my energy is so much more freaking fun when I am thinking that thought, then my energy is when I'm trying to sell from this place of I'm so far away from I'm not a real coach yet. I'm not really successful yet. I haven't made the money that I need to make yet. And so I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna celebrate and then sell, sell love braid. I literally coming up with this on the spot, right? S E L L, braid, celebrate, right? If you're selling from the energy of celebration, it is contagious. It is fun. People want to be a part of that. And so I watched myself say, Screw it, I'm going to start talking about all of the small things. Even if it's small to some other people, it will be big to someone that wants to have us celebration of their own in their business, and they will come to me and they will work with me. And that is what happened. And as I attracted more of those people, my celebrations that I could celebrate grew, I remember the first time I had a girl from another country book, a console. And then another woman from another country who is a CEO booked me and signed me as a client. I remember the first time that I was recognized by my mentor, and I just celebrated any little thing if someone said, Oh, my gosh, I loved that post that you did, I'd be like, people are talking about what I'm saying, you guys, I'm just in such gratitude. I get to tell you guys about what helps you grow for a living? Are

you kidding me? This is so incredible. And people are attracted that that magnetizes people, right, and there are going to be some people that are uncomfortable with your celebrations. If your business is not if you don't, you're not a service provider, it might not be aligned for you to celebrate your revenue. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying everybody go out and just talk about how much money you've made as a celebration makes sense for me, right? Because I help people increase their earnings, right? So it makes sense for me to be transparent about that in my own business, because money is a part of my brand. But what else can you celebrate? Where can you normalize that there are customers and clients buying from you, right? As soon as you get into celebration, you get to bridge the gap from where you are to where you're going, you're telling people my train is never going to stop celebrating, this is what we do over here, we just celebrate all day long. And if you have not created this habit, if you have been holding back, if you are just telling yourself the story, that it's not good enough that it's small potatoes, I will tell you that you will never get to the place of celebrating the big milestones, or you will white knuckle your way there. And when you get there, it will feel terrible. It will not feel like what you thought it was going to feel like I currently just had my brand new 101 pricing for 2024 Go out to a client and her accept it. And literally my one on one client, my 101 pricing for 2024 is just more than doubling. And she was like oh, I want to know not what it is for six months. I want to know what it is for a year. Give me that pricing. I was like, Okay, it's just double. And she was like, okay, and in that moment where I making about 50 grand a little less than 50 grand on a year's worth of coaching with one person where a year's worth of coaching with one person when I celebrated $299 When I tell you that the way that I celebrated $299 was even more energetically explosive than the way that I celebrated 50 grand How is that possible? Isn't 50 grand better than 299? No, the money does not equal the feeling. You create your feelings with what you think and you have to generate celebration. Okay, this is part of your job. As a masterful CEO, is generating this in your body now, not when you feel like you deserve to celebrate, you deserve to celebrate now, and clients will smell it on you, if you're faking it. So find a way to deeply connect in gratitude with what is going on right now, whether you've made $100 This month, or this year, or whether you just have people that are, are soaking up your free value, and you don't even have a paid client yet, or whether you're making close to a million, I do not care what it is. Take a moment and celebrate so that you can then celebrate. Okay, our shout out of the week this week goes to my client, April, April is a brand new client and what do I love more than a smart woman business owner, a smart woman business owner, Dr. Hal? Yes, April is a doctor and she went from the traditional doctor lifestyle of being a, you know, a primary physician to being a more functional medical doctor. And she is now running her practice with a CEO mindset, which takes not just rewiring of the way that you logistically run your business, but the way that you think about what is possible. When we move from corporate or a salary job into entrepreneurship. There is a big leap in how you need to imagine and I have watched April take her very short time in my space from the rewire your time boot camp, then into the splashpad. And possibly soon into the masterful CEO school. April is really putting on not just her student hat, but her my favorite kind of identity, which is that failure collection hat where she's just willing to do whatever it takes to be committed to that next level of her life. And not just her business. But her life. She actually already came to me with lots of demand for her business, but with a goal of mastering that time of saying, hey, I want to scale I want to impact all the people that I want to do. But I want to do it without people pleasing and she is inputting a policy one at a time to get there. This is how we do it. You guys one foot in front of the other one decision at a time one day at a time until you become future you kick ass job Abraham. I'm just so proud of watching you and I know this is just the beginning. All right, you guys, that is what I've got for you today. I hope this was just a hype session all wrapped up into one episode. I know we're approaching the holiday season we've got a lot going on make sure you stay connected with who you are about to become in 2024 What is different if you were feeling uninspired and unsure where to start, make sure that you register for the free 99 workshop that we're doing in a couple of weeks, which of course is if you're listening to this real time, December 31 at 12pm and that is the letter to your future self workshop. I cannot wait to connect with more of you guys IRL on the zooms in the reviews on the gram do all the connecting with me have the most amazing amazing December you guys and we'll see you next week.

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